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An Addendum! My daughter Sonia, who is an editor and publishing consultant, has a new website. Please visit it and forward the link to anyone you know who might need her expertise! www.soniafulop.com .

In other matters. I am still getting herceptin every three weeks intravenously. I'm taking a multitude of supplements to fight the neuropathy in my feet. I ran a marathon a month ago. And I will be on my way to Hawaii next Wednesday if an incoming storm doesn't delay our flight.

Happy Holidays everyone!

happy trails

It is said that a good artist knows when to stop painting. I hope I am a good writer. I have loved doing these blogs but I'm sure you have noticed that the postings have been fewer and farther between. I wish I could say that I have so much more to say, but the truth is I don't. My radiation treatment is coming to an end sometime next week. The treatments themselves have been uneventful and predictable. The only thing that changes is that once in a while I go in at a different time than the normal 4:15. Andy, Becca and Mary have driven me to the appointments and I am very grateful for that. It is good to have a companion to share these (dare I say boring) experiences. Today I nodded off when they took a little extra time with their measurements.
So, I think this is a wise thing for me to do now. Perhaps I will add another post or two when Mardie's Walnut Creek Marathon draws near, but for now dear friends I will just say au revoir.

And we are off!

After much procrastination on my part Mardie's Marathon website, www.mardiesmarathon.com is updated and looking good. My thanks go to my sister Kathy, who spent much of two or three days this week posting and tweeking things. I can't thank her enough for doing this for us. It is a major undertaking, just making the website work for us and she did it without a single complaint. I have also printed out a bunch of letters of solicitation that are directed at vendors and merchants, in the hope that someone or some "many" will offer to pay for the lovely medals that are awarded to the people who participate in Mardie's Marathon. Last year, a group of teachers from Buena Vista School, my old school, paid for the medals. It was such a wonderful thing for them to do. I'm just hoping that someone, somewhere will take it up this year. I am pretty sure we are going to have more participants and I don't want anyone to be disappointed. If they do the run/walk, they should get a medal.
So now, be prepared. I have my Dear Friend letter ready to go and I will be emailing it to most of you. Some people will get them by snail mail but they probably won't be people reading this, come to think of it! If you can read this, I've probably got your email address somewhere!
Last night we attended a lovely Midsummer Night's Party at Mary's. It was wonderful with interesting people, delicious barbequed beef prepared by Chef Scott. Mary and her piano teacher seranaded us. I sat in the music room and listened to them playing four hands on two pianos and was I suddenly transported to Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. It was magical. I expected wigged servants to come in bearing sherry laden trays. Except that the music was so delightful there was no wicked and witty conversation going on. We were all entranced.
So, tomorrow I go back to work. I hope I can remember how to do everything. If not, I'll just call Liz and she can retrain me! I've read about a bunch of books this week and more over the course of the summer so I feel prepared for class visits. Fortunately, school doesn't start for another week and a half. I'll have another bunch of books read by then. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone, students and teachers. It should be a good year!

Radiation

While I have gone over the routine of the radiation therapy, I don't think I have talked about the really nice people over at the cancer center at John Muir in Concord. I just want to mention this because I see them every day and routine is just that. Routine. They always thank me for my patience and I always express my gratitude for their being there. And we never miss an opportunity to joke with one another. The seriousness of their task demands a bit of levity from time to time and I enjoy it. As they draw on the spot that is to receive the radiation they talk about their frustrated creative energies. As they leave the room to start the treatment I tell them to go on out but I'll just stay there. They are just short silly comments but we enjoy the repartee. And then there is the guy I see every day who has his treatment just before me. We always smile, nod and sometimes we make smart remarks. I don't even know his name but I feel like we are treatment friends. I'm two weeks into the treatments and what I feared hasn't happened yet. I'm not tired of this. I look forward to it. It gives me comfort knowing that the battle is still being waged on my behalf. Only three more weeks and all I'll have to look forward to are my chemo light treatments every 21 days. I guess I shouldn't complain. That is the goal after all. Wellness and no treatments. I think I have become accustomed to this little cocoon of cancer therapy. I like people fussing over me and making me feel comfortable. Once I'm over the radiation I'll be pretty much back in the real world. Chemo light is like getting a prolonged backwards blood test. Not much to it and you aren't there long enough to really talk to anyone. But I won't complain. I'm hoping it will mean I can get back to the things I really love doing. Like running. And Mardie's Walnut Creek Marathon is coming up soon!

Gosh, I hate to complain, but here I go. I talked to an acquaintance on the phone today. I haven't spoken to her in at least a year. She went on and on about how she knew exactly how I was feeling because she went through the same thing a few years ago. I beg to differ: she had a biopsy and it was negative. I had a biopsy and it was positive. She had fits of crying and despair. I didn't. The similarity of our experiences went from almost, to not at all. And then she went on to tell me about what happened to other friends of hers. You know what? I think I've said this before but I'll say it again. I'm not interested. If they had happy outcomes, great! If they didn't I don't want to know about it. It just seems like people delight in the, Oh my gosh, how terrible, how horrible, isn't that awful, of people's lives. Frankly, I am more interested in the how wonderful, how exciting, how delightful of life. This doesn't mean I don't acknowledge that there is a lot of grief, despair and unhappiness out there. And poverty and crime and all those awful things. But I don't see how the tragedy of one person's life is going to help me get over my adventure. And I will continue to call it my adventure. Nothing awful has happened. I've met a lot of very nice, very kind, very caring people. And I've become a correspondent with many other kind and compassionate people. But please spare me the sad stories about someone else's cancer that ended in their dying. Don't go there. I'm not listening.

Old friends and a new routine

Last week I went over to old Mt. Diablo Hospital to the John Muir Cancer Center. I got tattooed and photographed and x-rayed. Tuesday I returned to have more measurements on the big KDS machine. It is a mobile radiation machine (mobile in the sense that it can move its focal point in many directions) that is attacking any residual cancer cells. The technicians who run the machine are very nice, very friendly and always have the nicest things to say to me. Today one of them thanked me because he said I am so easy to work with. I responded it was really no big deal to lie on my back with my arms stretched out above my head and my knees gently flexed and not move. He said they were grateful anyway. At that point I felt it necessary to say that I was extremely grateful to them. It was a draw.
So anyway, this is the way it will be from now for about 24 more treatments. 5 days a week I will go in, change into a gown, wait to be called from the waiting room, sit in a chair outside the radiation chamber, wait to be called and then climb onto the gurney that I will lie on to be irradiated. The whole procedure takes maybe 10 minutes once I'm on the gurney. They still mark me with a marking pen and take a few minutes to position the beam but the radiation itself takes no more than two or three minutes. I can't see a clock or camera and I'm not actually sure when it starts and ends so I'm not sure exactly how long it takes. Once I'm done I'm out and dressed and on the road in 5 minutes. Or at least that is the idea. Yesterday I stayed to talk to a nurse about what is going on. She showed me pictures of a breast with red and green lines across it showing where the radiation goes. I was thinking it was a standard picture they show everyone and then I realized that it was my folder and the photos were of me. The nurse explained that I might get tired around the third week and that my skin may get dry. She suggested aloe vera and a cream called Miaderm which is specifically for radiation dermatitis. Since one of the problems that can come up with radiation is that the skin gets so dry radiation has to be delayed for a few days, and since the company that makes Miaderm guarantees with this cream that won't happen, I decided to spring for the cream. Right now I'm using the aloe vera three times a day but I'll switch over to the cream when it arrives.
So far I'm enjoying (!?!) this new treatment but I'm thinking in a week or so I might get tired of driving over to Concord every day for a 15 minute visit. Until then though, it is kind of like the people in chemotherapy. Everyone is so kind and friendly.
Last week I got an email through facebook from someone whose name I didn't recognize. I almost deleted it thinking it was one of those responses to a comment made by a friend but not really something that I needed to look at. But for some reason I decided to click on it and lo and behold it was a friend from my old intermediate school. We've been emailing like crazy ever since, trying to catch up on what each of us has been doing for the last 47 years. And a lot can happen! I'm so thrilled that she found me and that I didn't delete that email! What a joy to have an old friend come back into one's life!

Chemo Light!

Today I had my first chemo light. I wasn't sure what to anticipate. It seemed like it was too good to be true. Just one drip? Just the herceptin? Can't be. There must be a catch. And yet, after seeing the doctor and having a few questions answered like can I really get rid of those awful pills that I have to take before chemo? (yes) and can anything be done about the neuropathy (yes), I strolled over to the chemo side of the offices and had the chemo. It was administered by a nurse I had before. A very pleasant lady who remembered having graham crackers with her milk in kindergarten, just like I remembered. Anyway. She put the saline line into the port and then the herceptin and little more than 45 minutes later I was off to Starbucks! Yippee skippy! I can do this with my eyes closed. Actually, like Pavlov's dog salivating at the sound of the bell, after she put in the IV, I started to nod off as I did with the super chemo. But there was no reason to do that. I didn't have benadryl or compasine to make me sleepy. But because I was used to feeling sleepy after the saline and other drips started, I dozed off. Silly me! The nicest part was being able to drive home and being able to do stuff afterwards, not like before when I was out for the day. And tomorrow I'm sure my digestive processes will be just fine. I think I am on the road to normal. Whoo hoo!

How I Spent my Summer Vacation....

Yesterday I woke up bright and early. I had a good breakfast of oatmeal and OJ. Took my vitamins and supplements. Drank some water. Then I drove down to the Rudgear Park and Ride. A few minutes after my arrival in drove my friends, Lois and Connie. They picked me up and off we drove to Golden Gate Park in San Francisco. We were on our way to participate in the San Francisco AIDS Walk.
Driving with these two good friends is kind of like driving with my sisters. Driver and Navigator at odds with one another in a good natured fashion. "What do you mean, turn left? Doesn't it say no left turn?". "Go ahead do it anyway. No one is looking". "But what about that Muni bus coming at us?" Don't pay attention to him, he'll move". "Hey lady, I have the light" "Don't give me that look".
In spite of all the drama, we made it in one piece to Sharon Meadow and the gathering place for the 2009 San Francisco AIDS Walk. It was amazing. It was a small gathering of friends, maybe 25,000 or so. Despite the numbers, everyone was eager to be obliging and there was a totally festive air. We walked in to the registration area at the tennis courts and were greeted with cheers and the clanging of cow bells. The registrars got us the pins that identified us as members of the San Francisco AIDS Foundation Team and papers that said we were entitled to a tee shirt and lunch ticket at the SFAF booth. So off we went to find that booth. Before we found it though we were plied by dozens of volunteers carrying boxes of all kinds of food and drink. Bananas, bagels, oatmeal bars, yogurt bars, fruit drinks, water. There was something for everyone and it was all free. And as we made our way to the SFAF tent I really began to get an idea of how many people and companies were involved. Starbucks, Chevron, FedEx, Wachovia/Wells Fargo, Kaiser, Gap, Williams-Sonoma. Everywhere I turned there were tents and people in their team tee shirts milling around. And it wasn't just employees of companies. Whole families were taking part too. It was a truly lovely sight.
At the SFAF booth we got our lunch tickets and our team shirts. Then we went off to the awards booth to get our extra "stuff" for having raised a certain amount of money. Chico tote bags, water bottles and a cool SF AIDS Walk shirt. Very nice indeed.
By this time we had added Allen and Marcia to our group and soon Zainab joined us. We listened to some speeches, took part in some warmup boogying and listened to a very fine poet whose name eludes me right now. Then we strolled over to hippy hill where our SFAF group had its picture taken. Finally we were led to the front of the Walk line. At 10:30 the walk began. It was only a 10K so it was literally a stroll in the park for 5 of the 6 of us. We've all done marathons except for Marcia. But Marcia has done the 10K Mayor's Walk in Honolulu so she has experience. Although we were part of the SFAF team I felt we needed a further indentifying moniker. We sort of decided on "The East Bay Fabulous Five". (Before we started our walk we lost Zainab but found her again at the end). As usual, Allen was our pace group leader. In marathon training that means that he has to tell us when to walk and when to run. For this event it merely meant he had to remind us to hydrate. The day was on again off again sunny. Sometimes the clouds rolled in making it a little chilly but generally it was sunny and warm. We were serenaded by a number of bands including the Cal and Stanford bands. There were also radio stations along the route to cheer us on. And there were portions of the AIDS quilt on display in two different places. Some of the quilt pieces were from corporations which had employees they wanted to memorialize. Some of the quilt pieces were from family members. There was a sweet one that just had a stick figure of a woman and said something like, "I miss you Mommy, Love, Justin" Very, very touching.
The 10K was marred only at the very beginning by a guy standing across the street on the sidelines who felt it necessary to heckle the walkers. But bless the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence! They stood across the street from him but between him and the walkers and just cheered us on. He was easily and quickly forgotten.
The 10K took us about 2 and a half hours and before we knew it we were back at the start. Again, there was food everywhere. Ice cream bars, bananas, and chips and drinks. And the Wells Fargo contingent honored our lunch tickets with a pasta, salad and cookie lunch. It hit the spot. We collected our finishers certificates and travelled back to the East Bay. A wonderful time was had by all. I saw only smiles and heard only happy voices all day long.
We were there to honor and remember those who had fallen to HIV/AIDS and encourage those who live with it. We hope that soon there will be a cure. But until there is we will help SFAF to help those who live with it here in the Bay area and around the world.

CAT Scan

Monday morning, bright and early, Andy and I headed out to the John Muir Cancer Center in Concord. In February I had met with Dr. Levine, my radiologist, to discuss my radiation treatment. Monday was my first appointment after super chemotherapy was finished.
I was led into a changing room where I donned the standard hospital gown. I waited in a little waiting room until a technician called my name. She took me to the CAT scan room. There she and an interning technician prepared me for the CAT scan and my body art....Well, not really art. But they marked my breast and lymph area with markers and then gave me three tiny tattoos so when I start radiation they always aim for the correct places. These tats are the size of a pinprick so it was even hard for me to figure out where they were afterwards. The CAT scan took just a couple of minutes. The tattooing took just a couple of seconds. Dr. Levine came in and told me that I can't actually start radiation for another couple of weeks. They want to make sure I'm okay from the chemo.
So now it won't begin until the first week of August. Sigh. This means I'll be in radiation when school starts. I'm hoping it won't keep me from going back to work. The people at the JMCC seemed very nice and were eager to make me comfortable and happy. Radiation will take place 5 days a week for 5 or 6 weeks. The procedure itself just a takes a minute or so. But I'm glad it is a nice place to visit.
I'm really looking forward to this next part of my adventure. So far, it hasn't been all that difficult. But I mustn't get ahead of myself here. I have a MUGA again and more lab tests. I must pass them first before I move on. It is always something, isn't it? I hope I get an 800 on each of them....tee hee!

ALA

Saturday morning at 7 a.m. I got a phone call. I hate getting calls that early during the summer. During the school year it isn't so bad. Maybe someone needs a ride to school or someone can't volunteer in the library and they just want to let me know. But who needs to call that early in the summer? It can only be bad news. So with great trepidation I answered. It was Sonia. But there was no tremor of sorrow or unhappiness in her voice. She sounded excited..." Guess where I am?" she asked me. For a moment, I couldn't think of anywhere she could be unless she was on the way to Lansing. So I said I don't know. But then she pressed me and all of a sudden I got it! "ALA!" (the American Library Association is having their yearly conference in Chicago) I shouted. She was in the exhibits hall and that is a sight to behold! Publishers from all over the nation and even from other countries come to ALA to show off their latest publications. Authors come to push their latest books. Library software and hardware companies come to show how they can help libraries provide better service with their wonderful products. And there are library furniture and library clothing and library posters and bookmarks and library this and library that. You can wander up and down the aisles and not see everything in one day. There are too many people to see and talk to and so many books to look at. But there was Sonia, first in line to get Kate DiCamillo's latest book. And Ms. DiCamillo was there to sign them. Sonia was in heaven and so was I, vicariously. There were other authors with new books too. Richard Peck has a new book coming out and so does Gennifer Choldenko. Sonia got them all. She spent more than half the day there Saturday and Sunday and couldn't stay away even Monday. There is always the chance more copies of some books might show up. She was a picky scavenger, there was just one of her and books get heavy. But apparently, she made out a like bandit. I can't wait to get the package in the mail and read them all! Thank you, Sonia!

Lazy days of summer

When last I blogged I had just finished my final super chemo. I am hoping that the side effects I'm feeling will linger only briefly. My neuropathy is growing but after this next week perhaps it will begin to dissipate. I'm hoping so. My digestive system gave me a strong kick a couple of days ago. Just in case I had forgotten what super constipation is all about. And yet, I persevere.
My sisters came for a short visit and were very good about helping me drink enough liquids. Sister Rosie made a game of it and drank along with me. Sister Kathy used her iPhone to verify just about anything we talked about. It was actually fun. We enjoyed talking about growing up in our "interesting" household. Tried to remember neighbors names. I used to be good at that. Not anymore. Can't remember what someone tells me if it was five minutes ago. But that is something that will go away after all the super chemo gets through my system. I hope.
So right now I am finishing up a silly adult mystery and my next reads will be from WCI library. I must start reading middle school material now. I don't want to get back to school in August and not know what the current favorites are with the middle school set. I opened a box of books from Junior Library Guild yesterday and found a few that looked promising. I'll let you know.
Right now my energy level is uneven. I race around like a mad person when I feel I can get stuff done and then I conk out with no energy at all.
I have an appointment with the radiation people over at the John Muir Concord campus on Monday. I don't know when the actual radiation will commence but I hope it will be soon. Sooner started, sooner finished.
Helen sent me a cool pink bracelet from Holland America's Walk for the Cure. I'm glad the cruise industry is taking this up. I've done it on Princess but I didn't know other cruises did it too. On those days when there aren't any ports to call on it makes sense to have a fund raising walk and why not for breast cancer? Thank you, Helen!
I'm looking forward to the San Francisco AIDS Walk on July 19. Thank you to those of you who have donated to my account. And if you haven't yet there is still time. And if you want to wait, there will be the Mardie's Walnut Creek Marathon in November.....I'll catch you then!

Celebrations

Wednesday morning I went in for my last "super chemo". The nurses knew it was my last one and everyone was congratulating me. As if it were something I had actually accomplished! I guess surviving that last chemo session in June was reason enough. But this time everything went very smoothly. I pretty much zonked out once the benadryl and compazine kicked in. I remember the nurse waking me up once in a while when she had to rescan my hospital bracelet each time she started a new drip but beyond that I don't remember much this time. Oh, I did talk to another patient that I saw last time. He has a great sense of humor. It seems some of his friends don't know how to deal with his cancer diagnosis so he is telling people he is getting chemo for hemorrhoids. They can handle that! We traded a couple of stories and agreed that humor is the only way to get through all this stuff. But his chemo was pretty much finished by the time I got my first dose so we didn't chat more than that. I also talked to a woman who came in without the standard wig or head covering. She was totally bald and had the prettiest "Peace" with red roses temporary tattoo on the back of her head. I am so tempted! She said her granddaughters help her choose the tattoos and put them on for her. Anyone want to help me?
So, the nurses assure me that the "chemo light" I will be getting from now until March will be much easier on my system. I won't have to take all the pills I do now before and after chemo, I won't have to do the neupogen and there will be only one drug, the herceptin, being administered and it will only take half an hour. Well, I'll probably be there for an hour but the infusion will only be half an hour. My neuropathy should go away and I should feel a lot better. Of course, they weren't taking into account that in a couple of weeks I'll be starting radiation. I might just feel lousy from that but we won't blame it on "chemo light".
Yesterday I went to visit Kara and Morgan and new baby Jasper. It was a delightful visit. Jasper is a perfectly beautiful baby. Everyone is doing fine. No one is sleeping but they are surviving!

Chemo and Kings

I got the news this morning from Dr. Liu. Although the numbers weren't perfect, they weren't far off so I will be in a chemo chair for 4 hours for the last time tomorrow. After that it will be a much shorter visit each time until March. I'm happy with that.
Today we drove into the city and saw the King Tut exhibition at the De Young Museum. Wow! It was wonderful. The exhibit was well presented and the the artifacts were so exquisite. For the first time I felt that the curators did something really smart. We rented the audio tour but I still like to real the tags on the artifacts. Usually you can see the tags only if you are up close and standing either right in front of it if it is posted below the artifact or to one side if you can walk to one side. The curators figured out that if you posted it on top and to the sides and underneath (and behind it if it was a display that you could walk all the way around) then more people could read the descriptions before they got up close and would spend less time blocking everyone else from getting a good view. I'm certain people spent less time directly in front and up close than at most exhibitions. The audio tour was delivered by Omar Shariff. What a great idea to have him doing it. If you can make the trip into the city, go see this exhibition. It is worth the effort and the cost.
I do have one complaint, though. Don't I always? But I can't blame it on anyone but myself. We got to the De Young around 11:35 and there was no parking within a mile of the museum. So we parked at a pretty distant spot, near a water fall and past a prayer garden. Way past the rose garden. Then I had to stand in line for the will call because of a mix up with our tickets. I will be happy to tell you that story but not today. Then we had to stand in line for the 12:30 ticket holders. Then we had to stand in line. They we had to stand and view a 90 second video and then we got to walk through the exhibit. My feet were killing me before we started the tour. Fortunately there were benches here and there to sit on throughout the exhibit. I'm now starting to realize how hard it is for Andy. I've always understood walking was a problem for him. Now I can empathize with him. Of course I don't have a balance problem so my foot disability isn't comparable to the his lack of toes and diminutive foot size. But when each step is something you are aware of, well, walking becomes less enjoyable. And I do love running and walking as you all know. But this isn't fun.
So, I'm going to go put my feet up now and rest a little. And then, tomorrow, maybe I'll just go do a little chemo.
And a double P.S.
1) Congratulations to Kara and Morgan on the birth of their son, Jasper, yesterday morning. He is a beautiful baby. We are so happy for you. (not a royal we, but a Fulop family we)
2) Leah, get well and out of the hospital soon. We are sending positive thoughts your way. (again, not a royal we, just a Fulop family we)

Lab revisited

Wow, the house was so much cooler this morning than the last couple of mornings. Surely it will be a cooler day today. I'm tired of hiding in the house all day and half the evening!

This morning at 6:45 I was in line at Kaiser waiting for the lab to open. There were already 5 people in front of me and a dozen people behind me by the time they opened the door at 7 a.m. I didn't need to wait very long at all and the lab lady, Marina, was a good sticker. I hardly noticed the needle. An hour later the lab results were coming in. I love the Kaiser website. I can check on my lab results and email my doctor so easily. Most of the numbers were just outside of the "normal" range. I'm hoping they are all close enough to allow my chemo tomorrow.

I've already started my chemo pill regimen. This morning I took two of my decadron pills. I hadn't realized that decadron is a steroid. When I visited my oncologist yesterday I mentioned that I am getting puffy. She said she noticed and that was a result of the steroids I'm taking. That also explains the weight gain. I will admit that I'm eating more than I should but the weight I have gained is out of proportion to what I eat. In my humble opinion. But I do drink a lot of water and if the steroids make me retain water, well there you go!

I also mentioned to her that I had signed up for the SF AIDS Walk on July 19 and asked her if she thought it was a good idea. I was a little worried because of the neuropathy in my hands and feet. She encouraged me to do the walk! I just love her. She is so upbeat and always has a smile. So, unless I hear otherwise from her today, I will have my last full chemotherapy tomorrow. And then I will call the radiologist and make plans with them to start the radiation treatments. I can't wait.....yeah!

I want to wish Melody all the best and thank her for sending me greetings. She recently joined "the sorority". I am sure her treatment and recovery will be fast and smooth. She has the right attitude and spirit!

Thank you to Joan for the ratatouille and all the fixings! It was delicious. And thank you everyone who made my life a little, no, a lot easier by preparing all those wonderful meals for us this year. I am so very very grateful.

Sizzling summer day

Yesterday was a hot one! At 6:30 p.m. it was 107.0 F. on the indoor/outdoor thermometer hanging on our front porch. It was a good day for a barbecue and what do you know? We just got one! There was a little difficulty at first. I bought it at Home Depot. They were perfectly willing to put it together for me but I had to get it home. So I paid to have it delivered. The delivery guys were very nice. Even brought it in to the backyard and made sure I was happy with it. There were a couple of things that had to be put in after it was delivered. Just the "flavor bars" and the grills. But when I put the "flavor bars" in, the last one wouldn't fit. There was a screw jutting out which made it impossible for the last bar to sit flat across the barbecue. It looked to me as if, 1) either the screw had been put in backwards or, 2) it was the wrong size screw. So off I went to Home Depot to get a look at the one on display. Lo and behold, the grills were on it okay, but when I took them off the "flavor bars" had just been tossed in and not set up correctly. So I tried to set them up and they all fit, except for the last one. And the darn screw was in there the same way it was in mine at home. So I flagged down a salesman or whatever they are called at Home Depot and pointed out the problem. His answer? Hmmm, looks like a design flaw. He said it with a straight face. I just shook my head and said, no, the screw is either in backwards or it is the wrong size screw. He shook his head. I told him I had one at home with the same problem and asked him what we could do. He suggested calling the manufacturer. I shook my head and said, no, I want to talk to someone here. He shook his head and said there wasn't anyone else with whom I could speak. I try to keep my calm nowadays, not like the olden days when I would have started accusing him of being an idiot. I just went to the customer service desk and explained to the young woman there what the problem was. And then I dragged her over to show her. She agreed it was not right and could be fixed and she would talk to her supervisor. He wasn't available then but she promised he would call me at home. And just after I got home he did call and he agreed it had been put together wrong. So out he came the next day and fixed it. And was he was very nice and set up the propane tank for me too. I was very satisfied with the way they handled it but honestly, that salesman should be spoken to. That is not customer service.

And so, last night, in the height of the heat, I barbecued some chicken without heating up the house. Yayyy for barbecues.

I also got a fruitful bouquet from Mrs. Sun yesterday. What a delight! Cool and sweet. Just the perfect snack for a sizzling hot day!

of summer and having fun

I live in a neighborhood where there are a number of young people. There are a couple of toddlers, some elementary school kids, a few middle school kids and some high schoolers. These kids play soccer, swim on the summer swim team and belong to scouts. They have very organized, busy schedules. So I was really pleased the other day when I discovered that they aren't so programmed that they don't know how to be creative, original thinking, adventurous kids. I don't know how they came up with the idea. I do know that sometimes they climb up on the hillside behind our house looking for lost rockets. Whoever it was, one of them got the idea of rigging up a zip line between two oak trees on the hillside. Now, when they got the idea, the hillside hadn't been plowed or weed whacked. So they hoed and whacked the weeds themselves until they had a clear run. I'm not entirely sure how they convinced one of the parents to get the right weight and length of line at the hardware store but they did. Another parent and uncle helped them figure out how to rig it up. But the kids did the work. After trial and error the zip line was finished. And now on YouTube you can see the results. Because not only did they make a 200 foot zip line that can carry up to 165 lbs. but one of these young people is an accomplished film maker and he posted a film of the kids enjoying the zip line. It looks like so much fun. And every day when they use it, they set it up, make sure that it is used properly with the user wearing a helmet and back support and when they are done they take everything down so no one gets injured using it unsafely. I am so impressed. Kids still can be kids around here. And it was not just one age group involved. All the kids seemed to have a part in it.It is just one more reason why I love this neighborhood so much. People on this court enjoy doing fun things together and they look out for one another. The kids see the adults acting this way and they emulate what they see. What a wonderful place to live!

The thief

Watching a squirrel this morning. He runs along the back fence with an apricot in his little paws. He stops, peels the apricot with his teeth, spits the peel out and then nibbles on the insides. How audacious of this thieving rascal! Surely he can see that we have, at the most, maybe a dozen apricots this year. And yet, there he is, stealing one of the few we have. I can't blame him, really. They look so tempting, clustered there on one branch of the tree. They are just turning the perfect shade of yellow and rose. And it is going to be very difficult for us to harvest this tiny crop, the tree being on the hillside and the branch appearing to be just beyond my reach. Between him, the jays and the raccoons, I'm afraid there will be no home grown apricots for us this year. I guess we can afford to share with our wild friends. This year, anyway.

Time again

In my last blog I was complaining about the monotony of this summer. I started the blog a couple of days ago and posted it Friday but after I started that one things began happening. I enjoyed Tuesday night at Book Club with my favorite foody/booky people. We always start with a tasty potluck. Sometimes we're heavy on salads, sometimes heavy on desserts, sometimes heavy on cheese and dips but this time it was a perfect balance. When we are ready for dessert we begin discussing the book. Sometimes our book discussions are short and we end up discussing something else that is on our minds. Books aren't always the focus of our discussion but we always have an enjoyable evening, no matter what the topic is.
Next, Thursday night, Rebecca and I were the happy recipients of two tickets to see La Traviata at the War Memorial Opera House. Mary had extra tickets and offered them to us. We had planned to go early and do something fun before the opera but by the time we left we only managed to fit in a meal at Max's Opera Cafe (yum on their matzo ball soup) before joining Mary and her husband, Scott, at the Opera House. I haven't been there since they added extra screens. These are for the balcony section so we can see the artists up close and personal. Now, some people might feel that the screens are a distraction but I don't subscribe to that notion. There are several cameras at a number of different spots aimed at the stage and in the orchestra pit. I couldn't see them but they are there somewhere. We got to see the orchestra and conductor up close as they played the overture and then we were able to see the performers from a number of different angles during the performance. I thought it was wonderful. The performers were absolutely stupendous. I loved Anna Netrebko as Violetta. Her voice is magical. And Dwayne Croft as Giorgio Germont, Alfredo's father was magnificent. Alfredo, sung by Charles Castronovo, was also a great performer and not bad to look at. I walked away from La Traviata with a whole new appreciation for opera. I guess I like it better than I thought. This was also easier to sit through than Wagner's works which last for half the night. I guess I'm going to have to look at the S.F. Opera's offerings for next year and get some tickets....!
Next week we are going to see the King Tut exhibit. Maybe staycations aren't so bad......?

Time

Although this year seems to be moving by at a very fast clip, everyone is remarking on it, this last week or so has crept along at a snail's pace. Summer this year is very monotonous. This is the first summer in ages that Andy and I haven't gone somewhere the moment my school was done.
And interestingly, the cruise we signed up for, the one that was finally going to take me to the Promised Land of Israel for the first time, the cruise that we had to cancel because of this darned (sorry for the language) annoyance, this cruise was cancelled! There was a fire on the Royal Princess. The cruise from Venice to Athens was cut short by a fire in the engine room! It was decided to end the cruise and cancel the following cruise that was to begin in Athens. We were supposed to board at Athens. As Sonia so aptly put, "If Mardie can't go on the cruise, no one can!" And this isn't an admission of guilt on my part. I was nowhere near Port Said at the time of the conflagration and I don't have any connection with that cruise. Well, come to think of it, I do know someone who was onboard but I didn't do anything to convince him to sabotage the cruise, really!
Thank you to my meal providers this last week. Thank you to Leslie and Anne for your marvelous Italian dinners and to Jane for her delicious meatloaf and all the fixings. We enjoyed everything.

Sweet, sweet, sweet

Last night, right in the middle of dinner, it hit me. I was enjoying a most lovely vegetable lasagna. I decided to taste the salad and it was a bag salad that I buy all the time. I love it. But the salad tasted really sweet. I was a little surprised because I never noticed how sweet it was, especially because I never put all the dressing on it. But, there it was. Someone had put sugar in it. So I went back to the lasagna and suddenly it was very sweet too. I asked Andy and Becca if they thought the salad and lasagna tasted really sweet. No, they both agreed they weren't sweet at all. And then it hit me. This is a side effect of the chemo. Now my mouth has a sweet, almost saccharin-like taste all the time. Regular stuff tastes sweet, sweet stuff it overbearingly sweet. I had tea with Jane this morning and all of the delicious muffins and fruits she had put out for me were just too sweet to eat. But they weren't. She isn't one to overdo the sugar. But even a bite of strawberry or cherry just made my mouth feel like sugar overload. Sigh. Now I feel like I have two very real side effects. My feet and hands are definitely victims of neuropathy and now my taste buds. I'm just hoping these are transitory conditions because they aren't fun.
Thank you to Jeff of La Farine in Oakland for the wonderful treats this morning. Thank you to Anne for the lasagna, salad, bread and flowers last night. Thank you Jane for the tea and goodies this morning. Thank you to the mysterious person who has tied a gauzy pink ribbon on our front gate. I'm not sure who it was. I have my suspicions. But I like it very much. And thank you everyone for all that you have done for us. You are the best!

Curry, anyone?

Yesterday I had quite an adventure. My friend Lily and I drove into Berkeley and played tourist. She hadn't ever been on campus! Well, we set that lack straight. We parked near the top of Bancroft and walked along the edge of campus to Telegraph. Making a right onto Sproul Plaza we strolled through campus passing Sather Gate, Dwinelle Hall and Wheeler. I gave a running commentary about my memories of going to school there and a little history of significant places. We ended up at the Doe library, naturally, and walked around a little inside. They wouldn't let us in the stacks but let us view the staircase that goes into the new underground section....New! Well it was new at least ten years ago, come to think of it, when I showed it to a visiting Hungarian Sister City visitor. Lily noticed a display case which showed a special honors thesis the topic of which was textiles from Cochin, her home state in India. It set the mood for our next stop. For, after continuing east and south through the campus, we retrieved the car and drove down University Avenue to visit some Indian sari stores and markets. Oh, my gosh! The grocery stores were a delight to stroll through. Talk about exotic! Just the smells of fresh vegetables, curries and incenses were enough to send us into a sensory nirvana! And there were all kinds of flours and teas and spices in colorful packaging. And sweets! Yumm! Then we stopped in to some sari stores. How beautiful! The colors were so intense and vibrant. Many of the saris and salwar kameezes (those cute long over blouses with the loose or tight trousers) were embellished with gold threads and stones and were truly magnificent. They were more for weddings and special festivals. But even the ordinary everyday salwar kameezes (those cute long over blouses with the loose or tight trousers) were delicious to look at. And many were very reasonably priced! I'm going back and maybe pick up an outfit or two. They are so comfortable to wear.
After giving our eyes a feast we visited a restaurant, Udupai Palace, at the corner of MLK Blvd. and University. It specializes in south Indian food which means vegetarian! Most of the dishes were presented as a crepe, a pancake or an omelet stuffed with potatoes, spinach or other yummy vegetables. They were also enormous. And they came with other delicacies like a savory lentil doughnut (don't knock it until you've tried it. It was delicious!) and rice patties. They also came with three dipping sauces. I don't know what was in them but they were very tasty. Southern Indian cuisine is something I have only experienced two or three times before and I had forgotten how much I enjoyed the food. I'll be back to that restaurant for sure.
After our lunch (thank you very much Lily) we headed on back to Walnut Creek. Another exciting day in the life of Mardie.....

On support groups

I was invited to attend the first session of a support group for cancer patients, survivors and care givers last week. We met at a church after their services Sunday morning. I was a little ambivalent about going to it for a couple of reasons. Support groups and group therapy just sound a lot alike to me and I have had a life time of group therapy already. Don't need/want more. Thank you very much! I also wasn't sure if the group would have a Christian bent and I wanted neither to intrude on nor participate in a "Christian" experience. But, I am also a believer in trying things if I'm not sure about something so I went. My friend picked me up and we drove to the church. Services were over before we arrived and people had moved to the social hall for cookies and coffee. Our group met in a small room off the big social hall. About 20 people crowded into this room and for privacy reasons I will neither identify the church, the group leader's name or any of the names of the other participants. Really there isn't much to reveal. We did the introduction thing where everyone states his/her name, what cancer he/she has or had or if he/she is a caregiver. I think I might have been the youngest person in the room except for the facilitator. I sure felt like it. The participants had a variety of different cancers and some were long time cancer survivors. It seemed the reason most of them came was to connect with other cancer patients. The basic purpose for this first meeting was to see what it was the participants wanted out of the group, when they wanted to meet and who they wanted to be there. That was the first sign to me that maybe I shouldn't be there. One of the participants made a point of saying that he was a first service attendee and so if most of the people didn't recognize him it was because of that and not because he had just wandered in off the street. The thing is, he probably wasn't making a comment because he didn't recognize me but because he didn't recognize a number of other people there, but a point was made. He wanted people to know that he belonged and that the general community didn't. This raised the question of whether they wanted "outsiders" to be allowed to attend this group. The facilitator was really very good and pointed out that it was up to the group but that the idea of opening up to the community had been talked about by people she had already talked to. But it was agreed that the first couple of meetings would be just for those who already knew about it or were there that day. Then the format of the meeting was discussed. Some people wanted a kind of free form open meeting, some wanted a little structure. Some wanted us all to meet together but the general consensus was that male and female cancer patients had different ways of dealing with their issues and care givers had different needs. This would mean maybe meeting together for a few minutes at the beginning of each meeting, then breaking up into various groups and then meeting all together at the end. Which was when one of the participants volunteered that the group should open and close with a prayer. Now, since this group is meeting at a church and everyone except me was a parishioner, I had no problem with this. In fact, I think that it is totally appropriate. If you can't pray at your own church, where the heck can you pray? One of the participants volunteered that if the group were open to the general public it might make it uncomfortable for non-Christians or even some other non-parishioners if there were a prayer. Then it was decided that maybe praying could be done after the meeting had officially ended. At that point I was pretty sure I wasn't going to be coming back. But as I thought about it afterwards there was another reason I don't want to go back and it has to do with something I wrote about before.

I am a very suggestible person. If you tell me about an ache or pain one day, chances are the next day I will have it. A friend told me her husband had gout and for days afterward I was sure I had gout. Miraculously, I seem to have recovered from it. Maybe cancer trumps gout? But as we sat there at the table and each person recounted their cancer experience I heard a lot of stuff I really didn't want to know about. Many of these people had either not gotten rid of their cancer, had gotten it back or gotten more different kinds of cancer. I really don't want to hear about that. And they were eager to discuss it. I don't want to know about that. I am now considered cancer free and I have no desire to dwell in those other possibilities. It kind of scared me listening to their stories. When it was my turn to introduce myself I felt like there were a million things I could have said but my basic statement was that I am in chemo now, I'm getting better and I expect to stay well. I even said maybe I am a little shallow thinking that way but that is the way I think. I realized just a little while ago that I had sort of shut down my memory of what went on in the group because I didn't want to think about all the possibilities they had presented. And once I have written this I will try to forget it again. The thing is, I am perfectly happy to accept the support my friends, neighbors and colleagues have offered. I like a friendly word when I run into people and I enjoy going out for coffee (sorry, herbal tea) with friends. But I am not interested in hearing about a lot of people's cancer experiences because they aren't mine and I don't want to have other possibilities thrown at me. And recently some people have offered to make appointments for me to visit with non-traditional health practitioners and want to give me advice from "experts" in non-traditional therapies. I am just not interested. I have already stated that I am basing my treatment and recovery on my friend Christa's experiences and for me that should do it. I am almost ready to bury my head in the sand and stay hidden in my room if that is what I have to do to stay away from people who are obviously eager to help me. I can't say I don't need anyone's help because obviously that isn't true. Many friends have helped me in many wonderful ways. But I am not into commiserating, feeling sorry for myself or hearing cancer stories about other people. If it is a horror story I absolutely do not want to hear it and if it is a heart warming story I don't need to hear it. I'm good as we say. I want to just talk about ordinary stuff, hear about other people's ordinary lives (or exciting lives, that is good too). But I don't want to dwell on cancer. As a friend said and I may have said it here before, I have cancer but it doesn't have me. And actually, according to my oncologist, I don't have cancer so it for sure doesn't have me. And I am determined to keep it that way.

Disability and spring break

Another fairly uneventful week. One daughter leaves, another daughter arrives. Becca will be here most of the summer. She's working on her dissertation....or so she says. No, she is, I'm sure. Meanwhile I suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous chemotherapy. This go around has just been a little harder. Some of it probably has to do with my mental state during the chemo itself. I'm hoping that my friend who is also going through chemo now has a smoother visit on Tuesday than I did last Wednesday. Surely by now they will have ironed out the wrinkles and figured it all out.
I went to see UP with Becca on Friday. What a great movie. We saw it in 3-D and loved every minute of it. Two thumbs up!
Friday afternoon I had an interesting encounter with the Dept of Disability or whatever their their moniker is. I haven't gotten any checks from them since March 23 and I hadn't really given it much thought (chemo brain!). Thank goodness I have a husband who hasn't lost his job! But it did seem like something that should be cleared up. So I dialed the 800 number. After waiting on hold for about 10 minutes (which I really won't complain about because I have something better to complain about) I got far enough into the conversation with the assister (hmmm, according to spellcheck and my Merriam-Webster there is no such word) to find out that according to their records I was at work. Then they hung up on me. So I called back. 10 more minutes on hold and then the same conversation. And again they tell me I am back at work....and again they hang up on me. We were having a civil exchange of words so I don't think it was deliberate or in anger. But it happened. So I tried calling back again but unfortunately, we have two phone lines and the other line rang and it was Kaiser and I don't like missing calls from Kaiser. So I gave up on that call and took the call from Kaiser. It seemed that Friday wasn't going to be my day on the phone so I decided to try again on Monday, even though they claim that Mondays and Tuesdays are the worst days to call (or Wednesday through Friday between 10 and 2) Reminds me of the time we were in Yugoslavia in 1973 trying to get a visa to visit Albania. Their Visa office hours were something like the 4th Thursday of each month between 10 a.m. and 10:05 a.m except in months that end in r or y when they are open on the third Tuesday from 2:o5 p.m. to 2:08 p.m. Needless to say we never visited Albania. But I am wandering. This morning I got up bright and early, had my breakfast, gave myself my injection and sat down to be ready to call the disability people first thing at 8 a.m. My first call resulted in the recording saying they weren't open yet but my second call hit pay dirt! I only waited about three minutes and was connected to someone named Jake. I implored him not to hang up on me, gave him the spiel and asked him to go past, " you are reported to be back at work". He liked to sing, you could tell the way he hummed and tra-laed his way through his computer display and I felt this was a harbinger of good things. He got to the magic words that I was at work and I said, so why does it say that? A few moments later he gave me the "good" news. Someone had started to input that I wasn't to receive payments for spring break. Fair enough. I don't get paid for spring break when I am not at work. But they hadn't input that spring break was one week. So according to them I had been on spring break all this time! tee hee. So we straightened that out, I answered a couple of questions and Jake gave me the good news that I would be getting those checks that I missed. And he didn't once ask me accusingly why it took me so long to call them. He just did his job. And I thank him. Thanks, Jake!
A big thank you also to Didi for the Greek themed dinner last night. We loved it!

Chemo, chemo, chemo continued

Yesterday I had my blood tests and they were pretty good. I ate well the previous week, went to the gym and drank plenty of liquids. I'm sure it all helped. Also, I was a week longer away from chemo. Couldn't have hurt! So on to chemo #5. The next to the last chemo. whoo hoo!
I arrived at Kaiser at 8:30 in time for my pre-chemo doctor's visit. As I was weighed and measured (height, weight, blood pressure, temperature and oxygen level) the nurse's assistant explained that things might be a little strange and delayed today because Kaiser was introducing a new computer system and today was the first day for them in Chemo. Well, the same thing had been told to me the day before in the lab. And if anything, things went smoother than normal so I wasn't very concerned. Boy howdy, was that a mistake! After a nice visit with Dr. Liu, she took us over to the chemo side of oncology. We waited for her to figure out if we should be brought in or wait in the lounge. Lounge it was. Then a nurse came for us and I chose the chair I always sit in. I don't know why it is so important to me, but I feel best when I can see what the nurses are up to at their computers, I have an easy trip to the restroom and I can see who is coming and going. Again I got the same spiel about the new system and how they were a little behind and still learning. I noticed that there was a huge team of spectators from whom I assumed was the software company, observing the chaos of the chemo room. I haven't ever felt this way before. Normally, there is a quiet calm surrounding the dozens of patients who come in for their treatments. The protocals are meticulously followed. Each patient is carefully identified, each medication is gone over with the patient, each step of the way is carefully announced verbally and documented on the computer. Today, I ended up being very concerned. The nurses were doing their best. It was the first day of the new system. It seemed as if they hadn't actually been prepared for the changeover and were constantly having to repeat input with scanners and keyboards. Most of the stuff that was done at the patient's side normally was done across the room at the desktop computers. I never felt that I was sure that the meds I was getting were mine. I finally asked the nurse to identify all the bags of liquids because it seemed like there were more than I normally received. But that was because I forgot the pepcid. So it was okay but I had to ask and that had never happened before. I also had to wait for the pharmacy to okay and send over the drugs. It took much longer than normal. I assume they were experiencing the same learning curve on their side of the building that we were in chemo. So things started getting backed up. My drips sometimes started beeping and there was no one to check to see if the bag was empty or there was a kink in the line. Usually someone comes over right away to check. Then patients started coming in and taking chairs that had already been assigned to other patients. Tempers started flaring. Patients started threatening to go home. I was beginning to feel a bit stressed because the double booked chair was right next to me and people weren't happy and weren't afraid to let the nurses know. The nurses, to their credit, did their best to assuage the feelings of the troubled patients but it still affected the atmosphere of the room. And me. I read a little and slept a little. But it just didn't feel good this time. I'm sure my next visit will be just fine as they get used to the new system but today was not fun. One note. I put a lidocaine cream over my port each time I have chemo to deaden the pain as they put the needle into the port. I wonder why I bother. I always feel it. It is much more painful than a regular transfusion needle so I wonder if my lidocaine isn't any good or if I put it on too early or too late. Just wondering. When my drip was all finished, the machine beeped and beeped. My nurse was trying to get another patient going and didn't hear the beep. No one else paid attention. Finally I told another nurse that if they were really short chairs someone could have mine. All I needed was to be disconnected from the drip lines and have the needle removed from the port. This was an offer they couldn't turn down. I was released from the chair and off I went to George's for a burger and fries. Then back to Kaiser where I picked up my neupogen from the one pharmacist clerk at Kaiser who has never learned to smile or make a nice comment like "thank you" or "have a nice day". I could hear the nice pharmacist's clerk in the back, helping train someone on the new system. Sigh.
Oh, one thing I should add. During my visit with Dr. Liu, I asked her when we would be able to know how much cancer this chemo was killing. She looked kind of surprise and told me I had forgotten one thing. As far as they are concerned, all the cancer was gone after the surgeries. This chemo is just to make sure it doesn't come back. So when people ask me about my health, I guess I'm not lying when I say I am just fine. And I don't have to say, except for the cancer. Because in Kaiser's opinion, I am cancer free. I hope I understood her correctly.
When I got home I slept for three hours and then had a lovely chicken and rice from math teacher Kevin at WCI. There are three Kevins on staff at WCI! Yum, yum, just what the doctor ordered.
So, now I am down to one chemo heavy left and then nine months of chemo light. And of course, the radiation which will, hopefully, start about this time next month. We will see.

yippee skippy!

Chemo, chemo, chemo! More to follow.

Lidless in suburbia

Okay, this is just a short post to pose a significant question the answer of which will decide the fate of the universe. Why do I have lids without containers and containers without lids?

My weekend continued

Saturday Andy and I drove out to Livermore to see about a new kitchen. Call us crazy. This may not be the best time to redo the laundry room and kitchen but if not now, when? The company we visited could put a plan together quickly and make the bid in a matter of moments. They had the cabinets and counter tops on display so it was fun choosing stuff. But after they printed out the plans and made the bid, Andy and I started dreaming a little bigger and now have completely different ideas for the kitchen. And the laundry room is almost out of the picture now. And now Leah has made a suggestion that we hadn't thought of for the laundry room and we may have to talk to Dennis about moving things around again. It is fun planning and playing around with ideas. We have talked about redoing the kitchen ever since we moved into this house in May, 1988. Every time we got close to doing something about it, something else came up. Bat Mitzvahs, medical bills, college tuition, condo down payments. But, it looks like this time we might do it. I am so excited.
After our journey to Livermore we drove into Berkeley to meet Steve's mom, Marci, who was visiting from Syracuse. We had a great hour or so at the Bateau Ivre chatting about this and that and getting to know one another. Then it was back to Walnut Creek and a rousing evening of Eureka. If you haven't watched this show I recommend it. Look it up on Netflix or watch it on the Science Fiction Channel. We love it!
Sonia, Steve and Marci attended a Bat Mitzvah at Beth El in Berkeley Saturday morning. This morning we were invited to the Bat Mitzvah's home for brunch before taking Sonia and Steve to the airport. We got to meet Steve's cousins and an Aunt and it was interesting and fun to learn more and more about Steve's extended family and friends. After dropping the happy couple off at the airport I attended a Chabad Women's Circle event, Spa for the Soul. The food was catered by our rabbi and the desserts were by Lynn, our resident chocolatier extraordinaire. If you haven't had one of her chocolate peanut butter balls, you haven't lived. The keynote speaker, Esther Hadassa Loewenthal, came all the way from New York to make her stimulating presentation which centered primarily on nutrition and health. She was joined by Betsy Shandalov, a local OT and yoga instructor and Catherina Vaucheret also a local, who is a personal fitness instructor. The panel discussion was lively and instructive. I think everyone who attended found something to which she could relate. My energy started flagging before the event ended so I came home early to find Andy busy planting in our garden. He has really put a lot of work into the garden this year. We have vegetables, new roses and lots of potted flowers growing all over the yard. The garden is really beginning to have a personality. And when the fountain is going, with the lavender scenting the air, it feels like nirvana.
Thank you to Carol and her daughter for bringing us a yummy Chinese dinner tonight. We are feeling so spoiled.
Now I am ready to drop. I am really trying to take it easy so my numbers will be just right this week. Now I think I will just go sit and rest.

Of a daughter's visit and a cherry tree

Wednesday brought more than just a cancelled appointment with chemo. But rather than bad news it was a happy occasion. Our daughter Sonia and her boyfriend Steve came into town for a bat mitzvah and visits to Stanford and UC. We enjoyed dinner with them at Bings on Thursday night. Even though it is a short visit we are very happy to see them.


This week I have been sending mental messages to my body encouraging the platelets and white blood cells to behave and get to their proper numbers. I'm hoping that will do the trick. But we will see what we will see.

Thank yous to my friends who have delighted us by bringing dinners this last week. Thank you to Carol for the delectable eggplant parmigiana and to Denise for the scrumptious falafel and dolma medley from Babalous! I can't tell you how much these meals mean to Andy and me. I also would be remiss if I didn't thank my young friends Keeson and Bailee for picking the cherries from my cherry tree this week. I was afraid that the jays, squirrels, and raccoons were going to be the only beneficiaries of the tree's bountiful crop this year. But fortunately for me, these two resourceful young people managed to climb the tree and harvest the cherries. The cherries are deep red, really plump, and full of flavor. We've been feasting on them since harvest day.

And so another week comes to an end. Next week is the last week of school. It feels strange not to be part of the last-minute scurry to get the inventory done. I sort of miss that adrenaline rush as I try to figure out where the last 50 books are that are missing from the inventory. No parents are frantically calling me to find out how much their children owe in lost-book fines. Well, Liz will take care of all that this year, and next year I will get my turn again.

Fun, adventure, disappointment

Last Saturday I had the best day ever! Bright and early I drove from Walnut Creek through San Francisco to Daly City and the Cow Palace. I arrived at the same moment my friend Annabel did. We were both headed to the Camp Store for the AIDS/LifeCycle event. We got to the Cow Palace about 8 a.m. and signed in at the volunteer booth where we were issued spiffy VOLUNTEER shirts. Then we wandered over to the store and met up with Allen with whom I walk and run. The store was set up for the people who would be heading out the next day for Los Angeles on their bicycles, riding in support of the San Francisco AIDS Foundation and the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center. AIDS/LifeCycle is co-produced by the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center and the San Francisco AIDS Foundation and is designed to advance their shared interest to end the pandemic and human suffering caused by AIDS. Saturday was the day for the riders and roadies to complete their registrations, view a safety video, get their tent assignments and check out the camp store. 545 miles of California roadways would pass beneath their bicycle tires between Sunday morning and the following Saturday where they would end their journey in the L.A. Coliseum. In the store where Annabel and I would be working (along with another dozen or so volunteers) they could purchase jackets, jerseys, socks, tee shirts and lots of cute tchotchkas. And there were premiums for those riders and roadies who had raised a significant amount of money. After familiarizing ourselves with the merchandise, learning how to use the credit card machine and getting a little training on other matters, the doors opened at 10 a.m. and the rush was on. It was a constant stream of riders and roadies without letup until about 2 o'clock. We did get a break for lunch but there was so much excitement in the air it was hard to stay away from the activity for more than a few minutes. The riders and roadies were so nice, so excited and so eager to be on their way. They had prepared for this adventure for months, the riders training and fundraising and the roadies just fundraising. All the roadie's work would along the route, setting up and tearing down the camps each day, putting up the showers, setting up the kitchens, cooking the meals and putting on a performance every night. And they also support the riders along each day's ride, making sure the riders don't get lost, keeping up their spirits and providing assistance with anything that might come up during the ride. I haven't done the LifeCycle or been a roadie but it is certainly inspiring to watch the videos on YouTube and read the blogs of some of the participants. It really makes one want to be a part of it. Well, I guess I was in my own small way, helping at the camp store, but someday, someday, I hope I can be a roadie or do the ride.

We left the store about 4 p.m., leaving the folks who would tear down the store and set up for the ride out the next day. It was a very satisfying experience and I am truly glad I could help.

Sunday I was pretty wiped out from the day before but when Monday came along I was ready for a new adventure. My friend Mary invited me to join her for a drive down to Big Sur. Her sister Ann lives in a lovely wooden home on a mountainside overlooking the coastline. We left home about 10:30 and after a false start (okay, I forgot my purse) we were on our way. Along the way we caught up with some of the AIDS LifeCycle riders and parted ways with them at the King City turnoff. Then we proceeded on to Carmel and had lunch at a charming Swiss cafe called Lugano. From there we drove along the coast to Ann's house were we chatted, I napped and we had delightful dinner and a nice long talk. I got to hear all about the fire last summer that devastated a lot of the Big Sur area and narrowly missed Ann's house. Ann also told us all about her adventures visiting her daughter and family in Africa. After a very comfortable night's slumber we had breakfast, and shared more stories. Then Mary and I headed back to Walnut Creek and Alamo. But not before we stopped at San Juan Bautisita for lunch and ice cream. I had a wonderful time. It was a great break from the quotidian stuff I've been experiencing lately.

Then the disappointment. After returning from Big Sur, I needed to go to Kaiser for my blood tests. I checked out the results online (Kaiser is very good about getting the results posted right away) and the numbers didn't look great but I didn't hear from my physician so I figured everything was okay. Then the next day, 5 minutes before I was to leave for my doctor's appointment and chemotherapy, I got a call from the clinical trials nurse. She told me that the numbers weren't good and I would have to postpone my chemo until the following week. Sigh. It was disappointing and a little frustrating. This puts off the finish of my treatment by a week. That postpones the beginning of my radiation. And that throws off the rest of my chemo light which was timed nicely so I could go to Honolulu in December. Now I'm not sure what will happen. But I'm not going to worry about it because if there is one thing I am learning through all this it is that you really can't count on anything. Things will happen, there will be twists in the path and detours in the journey. But I truly believe that it will all work out in the end.

Shhh! Don't tell my oncologist or the trials nurse. I have been told that this activity is a no-no. But as I have stated previously, telling me not to do something sometimes has a reverse effect. And so, I had a manicure. And not only that, I had a manicure and a pedicure. Okay, okay, what is so wrong with that? Well, apparently in having a manicure one can expose one's self to infections. Trimming those cuticles can be dangerous. And yet, I have never had any broken skin that I can recall having a manicure. I can't handle those cute little nail trimmers very well with this neuropathy and I have never done well trimming my toenails so a manicure/pedicure seemed in order. I even made sure that I didn't get the rigorous massage on my right arm because of the possibility of lymphedema. I was being really careful. I enjoyed it and I'm not sorry! It was fun, my nails are beautiful and no nicks, cuts or skin breaks. Yayyy!
This week has seen a plethora of food deliveries. Thank you Julie for the chicken and rice. They were delicious. Thank you Fern for the fish casserole! Wonderful. Vera dropped off a zucchini loaf and a crossword puzzle book. Food for the tummy and the mind. Yum! Jane and I had tea and scones this morning and she sent me home with more scones, cookies and marmalade. Tasty! And then Robin brought over a banquet of salmon, rice, broccoli and bread and a good book to read. Yum again! And people wonder why I'm not losing weight?
And now, it is way past my bedtime. I'm off to slumber land. More tomorrow.

I wore one of my scarves yesterday. The turquoise blue one that Kathy sent me. I have worn the scarves before but just to cover my head and throw over my shoulders to hide my face from the sun. Yesterday, I wanted to go to shul but I didn't want to wear my wig or a hat. So I folded the scarf lengthwise twice, placed the center at the back of my head, brought both sides to the front, crossed them and brought them back to the back. Oh, I did open the fold a little to make sure my head was entirely covered with scarf. Anyway, I then tied it twice and left the ends hanging. I checked with a youngish neighbor and she said it was way cool or something to that effect so I went with it. And it felt very secure and I felt very exotic. And I remember once when my mom decided to wear a scarf on her head like that only she wanted to put some fresh roses on it. My sisters and I were horrified and made her take it off. I feel really bad about that now. Sigh!

In for a penny...

In for a penny, in for a pound. That was the phrase I was trying to remember yesterday. Strangely, we were watching an old episode of Upstairs, Downstairs last night and I think it was Rose who said it.

I hope I don't always sound whiny. I really have many things to be thankful for. Not the least of which is all the good friends and relatives I have come to truly appreciate. I am a very lucky person in that regard, I think. But sometimes I know I complain about this situation I am in and yesterday it occurred to me that there were a couple of things that are not so bad about going through chemotherapy. For one thing, I haven't had to shave my legs in months!!!! Now that is something for which I am very grateful. And I haven't had to pluck those little facial whiskers that women of a certain age have to deal with. Another thing is that this time around with the neupogen, I didn't feel any side effects. I completely forgot about the hip and leg aches until this morning. If I didn't feel them Tuesday or Wednesday, I am pretty sure I'm not going to feel them this time around! And the last thing I can come up with is that I am getting some pretty good quality sleep lately. I am so often falling asleep by 7 p.m., awaking around 10 for a few minutes of reading and then falling asleep again until 5 or 6 a.m. I think I have dreams most of the time which means that this is useful sleep. I'm obviously trying to resolve stuff as I slumber. I don't think I've had any anxiety dreams or nightmares. Just funny, strange dreams that take me here and there, near and far, inside the U.S. and to Europe. This is very cheap travel and I haven't had to use my passport. I also don't get jet lag!
This morning, after a nice oatmeal and prune breakfast with a chaser of vitamins and minerals, I went for a four mile walk with Kara and Morgan. Now normally, a four mile walk takes us about an hour and 20 minutes maximum. Today, with a pregnant woman and a chemo patient it took us about an hour and 45 minutes. But it was a lovely walk. The fog kept shifting above us, not sure if it was coming inland or receding back towards the bay. This kept the air cool but there was also a very cool breeze so we didn't have to start removing layers until the last mile of the journey. And during that last mile we came upon Stan who is in training for the San Diego Marathon which is next Sunday. Have a great run Stan!
After we finished our walk we retired to Broadway Starbucks for coffee and pastries. I know, I'm not supposed to have coffee. However, I am really feeling deprived lately without it so I asked for a 1/2 caf, nonfat, grande latte. All the baristas raised their eyebrows because they know Joanne has got me on tea, whether or not I like it. But the manager defended me and said I should be able to drink what I felt like and the other baristas backed off! To celebrate I also had a scone. There is a saying about a goose and and a gander that would fit here but I can't think how it goes. Maybe that isn't it but I know there is some expression about going whole hog once you have started in a bad direction. Someone will tell what it is, I'm sure.
So, now, it is Saturday afternoon and I am about to start the latest #1 Ladies Detective Agency book. We've been enjoying the HBO series of the same name. I am enthralled by these traditionally built Botswanan ladies! And the author writes so lovingly of Botswana I really wish I could visit there someday. Being able to see it on TV (and it reflects what the author writes) is almost as good as being there. But not quite.

Of singed pots and laundry rooms

We are trying to get so much done lately. The way normal people do. But we don't usually do that. Normally we sit around and read and wait for things to go wrong, then we act. But last weekend we cleared out the laundry room so the water heater could be moved into the garage. Actually, a new water heater since the old one was throwing yucky white stuff into our hot water lines. Then we decided to reorient the washer and dryer. Then we realized that would leave us with less room than we started out with. So we bought a new stacking washer and dryer. But then we realized that the linoleum was shot. So we bought new flooring. Then we realized there were four different colors of paint on the walls. So we repainted. Now we wait for the washer and dryer to arrive to see what kind of cabinets we can fit into the room. But for the last week our kitchen table has been our storage for the laundry room. And I'm getting kind of tired of it. But until there is somewhere for them to go I guess we are stuck with vases, cleaning supplies and rags decorating the center of the kitchen. And yet, even as I write this, I am seeing all these vases and cleaning supplies tucked neatly into empty boxes and sitting on the garage floor. One obstacle down!

Of course, this all coincided with our discovery that the spa cover was water logged and needed to be replaced. Normally, I am the spa person. I clean and maintain our little bit of heaven on our back deck. But with chemo and all I just don't have the energy to do it and I think I am not supposed to mess with chemicals and cleaners anyway. I didn't think of that until I got splashed with the filter cleaner water. Now after, emptying, cleaning and refilling it, we are trying to raise the temperature of the spa water and get the chemicals balanced. And after all this I still won't be able to go into the hot tub. I thought I remembered something about not going into hot tubs but wasn't sure so I emailed Dr. Liu and she gave an unhesitating NO. So, after all this work, I shall sit next to the tub instead of inside the tub. Sigh. And as I sit next to the spa I see a dripping irrigation line which reminds me that we need to do something about the sad state of our sprinklers. We have had them looked at and repaired any number of times over the last several years and nothing seems to work. I'm at my wits end. And so is a lot of our landscaping.....

And if I don't ruin another saucepan I shall be a happy camper. Chemo brain rules say you can't multitask. Well, yes, I guess so. I forgot all about the prunes I was heating up this morning while I was trying to get the spa clean and balanced. That pot was my favorite small, heavy saucepan. Sigh. Nothing sticks to an allclad shiny surface like burned prunes. Must be all that natural sugar in them. Double sigh. And again, I take a second look. A chop stick rubbed against the blackened remnants of cooked prune seems to chip off the crispy residue and once again I have a lovely pot. Yayyyy! I was so close to tossing that little guy.

Thank you, Rozan, for delicious salads for dinner this week. And we eagerly await shabbos dinner prepared and delivered by the family Zeidman.

We are looking forward to attending the college graduation party of a friend of ours on Sunday. When I first met her she was just a baby. I know it is cliche but I can't believe you are now a college graduate! Congratulations, Sara!

My feet are definitely neuropathed and my fingers too. I hate walking even a few feet now. And walking on my hands is out of the question. Tee hee! It is just so uncomfortable. Oh, well, this too shall pass.

Sleep, Star Trek and a lost ring

Good morning! And what a lovely morning it is. A little on the cool side but the sky is clear and blue. There is a momma turkey and only one chick up on the hillside. I hope the hawks.....oh, no! I'm mistaken. Mamma was huddled and completely surrounded by her babies. There are a bunch of them. Yayyy. I'm glad the hawks are staying away.

Yesterday was interesting. Once again I had little energy but lots of ambition. When Andy suggested we take in a movie on Friday afternoon I said why not today? My only concern is that I tend to fall asleep at movies, especially afternoon movies. But really, why put off something fun? So off we went to the afternoon showing of Star Trek. What a great movie. We completely enjoyed it. It was just lots of fun. Andy decided we needed a huge box of Kettle Corn and I had a decaf latte. We gorged ourselves on popcorn and I drank the whole latte. I neither fell asleep nor needed to run to the ladies. It was a perfect afternoon. Then we went to Flemings with one of the Mother's Day gift certificates we had. Our server, Lynne, was delightful. Ask for her if you go to Flemings. You won't be disappointed. But as the meal came to a close, so did I. I made it home and collapsed. Leah came over for a visit but I was out for the count. Andy woke me up at 10:30 to tell me to go to sleep! I guess I changed out of my clothes into my jammies but I don't remember doing that. Then I slept through to 5 a.m. I remember dreaming about staying at a farmhouse in Canada and buying opera tickets in Hungary, only I think it was Prague. The language on the signs and in the stores was Hungarian but the opera was Bartered Bride. And I was buying the tickets for friends who were visiting from Walnut Creek. Very strange. But with all the confusion it wasn't an anxiety dream. Everything went smoothly. I remember being a little concerned about finding the ticket office but walked straight to it without any problem. Which is probably what would happen if I got dropped into Budapest right now. I have no idea where the ticket offices are but if I found myself in Budapest I would probably remember where to go.

Oh, good news! Remember the little gold and diamond band I lost? Well, it has been recovered. And I don't think I actually lost it. I am pretty sure I gave it to Andy. He put it down with the other two rings I handed him but when he put them away he only picked up the two bigger rings. Then he was off to Europe. Yesterday he casually handed the "lost" ring to me and asked me if I recognized it. I was so thrilled, happy, relieved. He had actually noticed it a couple of days ago but had forgotten that I was missing it. So who has chemo brain!?!

In which Mardie partakes of a doughnut and dreams of hamburgers

There were a couple of pretty hot days. And they really hit me hard. It was cool enough in the house, but I just felt blucky. I slept a lot and couldn't concentrate on anything. And this neuropathy is really making itself felt now. My feet are always uncomfortable. I can't say they hurt. They don't. But they feel like I'm wearing a pair of really old, dirty socks. They just don't feel good. And my fingers feel funny. Not numb. I don't know how to describe it. Like I have extra skin on the pads of my fingers. I'm feeling through an extra layer of skin. It just feels weird. And now I'm reading friends Facebook pages and emails and everything they comment on influences me. Morgan dreams about doughnuts and now I won't be happy until I have one. Oh, yeah, I did. An old-fashioned maple. After I bought it I thought I might throw up so I just put it aside. And then the gnawing desire to eat it took over and it was history. And it was delicious. Gale writes about George's Giant Burgers. Funny, I just passed it yesterday and knew I had to eat there soon. So now it is on my list of places to visit in the next day or two. Yesterday I couldn't complete the day without some frozen yogurt in a waffle cone. Is this chemo brain or am I just bored? I'm reading plenty of books so I'm not totally vegetating. But walking even short distances takes it out of me now. My heart starts pounding and I have to sit down. Even when I run a marathon that doesn't happen to me.
Today it is much cooler. But the sun is still very bright so I shouldn't go out in it. I burn at the drop of a hat. Even if I'm not in direct sunlight. It is so frustrating. One must slather up with sunscreen and then wear a hat and scarf and long sleeves and hope it works to keep you from the scorching rays of the sun. Sometimes it works. But sometimes all that happens is one starts sweating from all the body cover and then the sunscreen runs into your eyes and you are uncomfortable in extra ways. Ayyyy!

Today has got to be my worst day ever, which, if taken in perspective, isn't really that bad, I'm sure. I had plans for today. A walk to Sunrise Bistro for potato latkes with Didi and friends, followed by a makeover at Nordstroms and then lunch with Mary. Instead. I slept almost all day. I just couldn't keep awake. And we had the a/c going so I can't really blame the heat. Outside it was 102.9 at 6 p.m. but inside it was very comfortable. This round of chemo has just socked me a good punch. I feel listless, shaky and tired. And my digestion is all vershnushkied again. I bent another needle again today but I did manage to give myself my injection with a new needle. Those needles are so particular. You talk to them, you give them reassurance and they still turn on you. Sigh!
I did talk to Julie at Safeway today. Congratulations to her on her upcoming graduation from DVC. We both got a little misty eyed over it. She has been going to school for years and this was something she was determined to accomplish. You go, Julie! Now, go to Hawaii and enjoy yourself. You deserve it!
And thank you to Jan and Don who brought over a tasty dinner for us. All my favorite foods. Wonderful!
Now I await word from daughter Sonia and her friend Steve about their adventures in Switzerland. They are supposed to return tomorrow. But from the facebook page I saw the other day they might be in jail. Hope they manage to catch their flight!
Okay, that is enough chat for now. Back to bed for me. Happy rest of the week to you all.

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I went to sleep early last night. At least I think it was early, before 10 p.m., I'm sure. I do know I was wide awake at 4 a.m. I think the cat woke me up and then I just couldn't get back to sleep. I still lay there quietly just awake dreaming about this and that. Travel, Hawaii, Switzerland. Places I still want to see and things I still want to do. But I have plenty of time.
When I think about the travelling my grandma did after she turned 70 I marvel at her intrepid spirit. Many people thought she was taking great risks. She had a heart condition and diabetes. But she didn't let that stop her. She went to Europe just about every year for 10 years after she turned 70. And she didn't go on guided tours. She went on her own. Twice we bought cars and drove through Germany and Czechoslovakia. People would make comments about how well she got around at her age. (But in all honesty I must add that I did most of the driving). And she wasn't a fitness buff. In fact, she used to brag about her perfect size 14 figure. I believe that was because Marilyn Monroe was a 14 that Grandma would say that. Those were the good old days when women had figures.
When I was 16, I thought 70 was ancient. Now it is just a decade away from me. And I know so many young 70 year olds that 80 doesn't seem so old to me anymore. These portals to new decades are just reminders to us of our mortality, nothing more.

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Chemo brain sets in

For the first time in this breast cancer journey I was near to tears this morning. And I'm almost embarrassed to say why. I shouldn't have let myself get to this point. But, you know, when you try your best to be informed and keep those who need to know informed, it is disappointing when it doesn't work. I had to go back to the lab this morning to have my blood drawn again to see if the platelet count was going up. The way it looked on Monday, my oncologist said I wouldn't be able to do my chemotherapy today if my platelet count remained as low as it was. I was a little unhappy about having to go back to the lab again. My arm looks like a junky's arm, I'm sure. I never used to have a problem with needles. I always felt that getting shots and giving blood was a good thing to do so I felt no fear. Now, I do not look forward to my forays into the lab. So as is my custom, I told the receptionist I am a clumper. She told me to tell the technician who was to draw my blood. I handed the technican my card which CLEARLY states that I am a clumper but just to be on the safe side I said, "do I need to tell you I am a clumper?". And she said yes, okay, and so I thought it was taken care of. She was a good sticker. I didn't even feel the needle go in and she was done in moment. An hour after I got home there was a call. I had to go back and do it again. My blood had clumped. I just about lost it. I was so unhappy. Not mad, not angry, I just didn't want another needle in my arm. But I went back to Kaiser, thank goodness it is only about 7 minutes away, and presented myself to the woman who had telephoned me. We went over what happened and I reminded her that she, herself, had put a sticker on my card saying I was a clumper. I told her I had told the technician and she said I should have told the receptionist. I assured her I had told the receptionist and that the receptionist had told me I should tell the technician. The woman who called me took me back to a drawing station and told me that whenever I have my blood drawn I should make sure there are two vials, one blue, one lavender. I assured her I would. When she finished she ran the blood upstairs and a few minutes after I got home the numbers were posted on my medical files which I can access through the Kaiser website. And the platelet count had gone up quite a bit. I was very pleased. So I did proceed to Kaiser for my 10 a.m. chemo appointment where I was greeted with open arms. I had Denise again as my chemo nurse. They are all very nice but she is especially kind and very upbeat. I have to say that as long as I am awake there, I truly enjoy the visit. But the benadryl usually knocks me out so I don't always stay awake.

There was one scary moment though. I am afraid my chemo brain is real. Before they administer all the chemo drugs there is a cross check ritual that must be observed. Another nurse is called over to go over all the drugs with my primary chemo nurse, the name of the drug and the amounts to be used and who they are for. But even before they do that they check basic information with the patient. And I am used to this so I just go through the information without their asking me. My name, spelling the last name. Then my Kaiser number, then my date of birth. I said 12 and then I started to say 28. But it didn't sound right to me. For the briefest of moments I couldn't remember 22. Horrors! Then it jumped into my brain. The birth year followed (1948 for those of you who are afraid to ask) and the rest was clear sailing. But it did shake me up because that had never happened to me before.

I slept for some of the time today. I tried to read my book, Our Hearts Were Young and Gay, a true, light hearted look at two young Bryn Mawr girls who take a summer off to travel to Europe in the 20's, written by Cornelia Otis Skinner in 1943. I read it first when I was 12 or 13 and it turned on the travel gene in me. I dreamed of doing the same thing when I was 18. And lo and behold I sort of got my wish. My Czech grandma took me on a 4 month grand tour of Europe when I was 16. Anyone remember Fodor's Europe on $5 a Day? Well, we did it. It wasn't exactly the trip I envisioned. My grandma was not a fellow 16 year old, she was 70, and she was quite determined to make a young lady out of me. I would have none of it and we sometimes had very strong disagreements. But it was still the trip of a lifetime and I will never forget it. But I digress.

My chemo treatment went smoothly, although when the herceptin was started my legs felt a rush. I asked the substitute nurse (my nurse was on her lunch breake) to slow down the flow. I told her what was going on and she agreed to change the drip from 30 minutes to an hour. Aside from that, nothing else exciting happened.

My appointment started later than usual so it lasted through the lunch hour. I was really hungry when the treatment was over so I asked Andy to take me out for lunch. We went to the Cheesecake Factory. And then another revelation. I was going to have a salad but suddenly my brain said Hamburger. After making my decision I decided to call Liz D. to let her know I was done. She likes to keep tabs on me, just in case (I don't know of what the just in case is about). Anyway, she told me to load up on protein and suddenly I had an epiphany. I have already said how I see the metaphor of the marathon in this breast cancer treatment. And suddenly it became real. Just as I figured out after my third marathon that I had to have a hamburger (and a beer) after completing a marathon, I must have some good protein after chemo. So the hamburger was a perfect choice. And french fries weren't a bad substitute for beer although they are much fattier. But aside from just about falling asleep at the table afterwards, I felt really good about my choice.

And so we went home and we both promptly fell asleep. After about 2 hours I woke up. Liz D. came over with a meal from Nikki at school and then Liz M. arrived with some homemade split pea soup. Dinner was spectacular. Thank you both!

I am now offically into the second half of the super chemo treatment. Two more and then I only have to continue with the herceptin for 9 more months. But the radiation will begin in July if everything continues well. And that will be a new part of my journey and adventure. Stay tuned!

Sun, sun, go away!

Perhaps I am not totally sincere about not wanting sunshine. The weather has been absolutely glorious here the last couple of days. The hills started to green up again because of the unseasonal rain but it just takes a day or two for our open space to turn golden again. During the two weeks when it rained on and off, when the sky was a gloomy gray, I thought I wanted sunshine. But in my imagination, this sunlight was about two steps ahead of me and I could walk in the shade but enjoy the light of the sun without being in it. Now I've got the sun but don't you know, it insists on shining directly on me. Even with sun screen I burn. So I have to cover with long sleeves and headcoverings and gloves. And in the sunlight I start feeling like I have a fever, I get so hot with all the body covering. So, I am not walking as much as I should. Oh, I could walk in the morning before the sun comes up but I get a little nervous, out on my own in the dark. And in the evening I am generally too exhausted to go out. So, I just fidget. And here I am complaining which I really don't like to do...well, not much....well maybe I do.