My next round of chemo is coming up on Wednesday. I wonder if I will have any hair left by then. I just took a shower and as I washed my hair handfuls of it kept coming out. Yesterday it really started coming out in earnest. So, what does hair falling out feel like, you ask? It feels like your scalp is irritated because you are brushing your hair against the way it naturally falls. You know that feeling. Like when you try to part it where it has never been parted before. That feeling. I went for a walk with a friend and I showed her how it was coming out. I asked her if she had ever wanted to pull someones hair out? And then invited her to try it. We were both laughing. Then she called her two sons who were shooting hoops to join us. They looked a little uncertain but gingerly grabbed a few strands of hair. They looked pretty surprised at how much they pulled out with no effort. I think it is now time to start wearing the wig or the pretty pink bandanna or other scarves I have. There is really very little hair left on my head.
I'm sure I would surprise you all if I told you I love listening to John Madden on KCBS radio. But I do, even if I know virtually nothing about sports. He is a funny guy, pretty humble and if he doesn't know about something, he admits it. John was talking about Tiger Woods today and a golf tournament that Tiger is in. Tiger was down 5 strokes yesterday but I guess he did pretty well and either won the tournament or is still in the running. And the CBS reporter mentioned how happy Tiger looked when he did so well after coming off surgery on his knee. They both agreed that it must have been kind of scary for Tiger to take that year off, not knowing if, when he came back, he would be able to play as well as he used to play. But that smile showed that he knew he was back and he was still good. And it made me think about my running. I'm no Jimmy Muindi or Jeff Galloway but running is important to me. And I have been worrying about what I will be able to do once all this treatment is over with. But if Tiger can come back, so can I. I just need to focus on one goal at a time. And so I will.

"Make new friends


but keep the old,


One is silver


and the other is gold"


Does anyone besides me remember that little ditty? I think it must be a Girl Scout song. I know it makes a lovely round. Anyway, it came to my mind a little bit ago. I just finished talking to an old friend of mine. She lives northwest of Chicago, in a spot that is filled with lakes and small woods scattered here and there. I got to visit her a couple of years ago and we had a lovely afternoon talking, laughing and catching up. I met her at the JCC about 28 years ago when her eldest son and my eldest daughter were in preschool together. In the intervening years she has moved a number of times, even out of the country, but we have never lost touch. And just like with Christa, when Pam and I start talking, we just kind of pick up where we last dropped off, even when it has been a couple of years between conversations. She always reminds me of something I said the last time we spoke that makes me feel good about myself. One needs friends like that. So hugs to you, Pam, and hugs to all my friends, everywhere. You are truly loved and appreciated.

Nothing of great significance to report today. My hair is definitely falling out but it still doesn't look patchy so I can't complain about that. No fever, no aches, no pains, no nausea. Heck, if it weren't for this persistent lack of energy I would say that everything is just peachy. So, instead of running a 3 miles every other day and 4-6 on Saturdays, I struggle to walk a mile in my neighborhood. Sigh.
Okay, enough whining. It was actually a nice day today. Andy had been anxious to get rid of a china cabinet that was taking up space where he envisioned an empty spot. Yesterday I asked Liz to let it be known around school that there was a china cabinet at the Fulop residence looking for a good home. And this afternoon a very nice young engaged couple took it off our hands. We didn't even have to pay them to take it! I guess we are just lucky. Now I am mentally rearranging furniture in the living room/dining room area. Something will come to me, I'm sure.
Next week is chemo again. I need to check my notes from last time so I take my pre-chemo meds at the proper times. And I will need to remember to go in for the lab tests Monday afternoon. Such fun. There is still a bruise on my arm from the last blood draw. This poor arm could really use a rest! Then Wednesday I will go in to see my oncologist and from there to chemo. I'm ready!

Clarification: Andy spoke to our family physician today. She takes care of both of us and we like her very much. She had seen my white blood cell count and explained to Andy that the number was actually 1x10 to the 9th. Normal is 4x10 to the 9th. So we are talking billions here. Which I understand is, even for a person with poor math skills such as myself, a bit more than just 1. And so now we all understand.

Okay, maybe I have learned a lesson. Oh, well maybe not. I'm not sure what lesson I should have learned. What, you ask, is she talking about?


Friday afternoon I was feeling really beat. No energy. Very lethargic. Lynn brought us a fantastic shabbos dinner but I could barely keep my face off the table. I dozed on and off during the evening. I felt a little warm around 9 p.m so I took my temperature but the two "fancy" thermometers gave different readings. Neither, however, was at 100.5. That is the magic number for oncologists. If one is on chemotherapy and one's temperature reaches 100.5 one must call the advice nurse who will instruct you to go to the emergency room. We watched some TV and went to sleep about 10:30. My mouth felt a little tender but I couldn't feel any sores. About 3 a.m.I woke up to a pillow full of slobber. I guess my nose was stuffy and I had been sleeping with my mouth open. I decided to go downstairs and read a little and suck on some ice because now my mouth was feeling very tender. Around 4:30 Andy came downstairs and I took my temperature again. It was exactly 100.5 on the oral thermometer, a little less on the temple one. So I called Kaiser and they told me to come on down. When I arrived I remembered to tell them first thing that I was a chemo patient. With that announcement the registration lady immediately instructed me to put on a face mask and sit to the side where I wouldn't be near anyone. Actually there was hardly anyone there but there were a couple of kids who didn't look like they had broken bones. I felt that these precautions made sense. Within a few minutes the triage nurse beckoned me and took my vitals. I remembered to tell him I am in a clinical trial. My charts are supposedly marked but we are told to advise doctors and nurses when we are in the ER. The nurse kept being summoned by someone else in another room. My impression was that the other person was having a computer problem but I could be wrong about that. He also kept getting interrupted by the phone. Finally I made a remark about how busy he was and he explained that it had been even busier, earlier, when one patient had waited 5 hours to be seen by a doctor. I was surprised and said that I guessed I was lucky since I had hardly waited at all. He assured me that chemo patients get a high priority and that is why my wait was so short. So after the initial interview I was passed into the sub waiting room where I had to wait for an examining room to free up. But they decided they could do some stuff first even if there wasn't an actuve room available. I was put into a section of the ER that wasn't actually is use at that moment. My blood was drawn. I almost asked for someone else to do it but decided to let the guy go ahead. My mistake. He acted very unsure of himself and the jab was painful. Next time, I'm asking for a regular vampire person or lab tech or whatever they are called. Nurses don't always make the best blood drawers. I was also asked to donate a sample of my urine. And then back to the sub waiting room. This time I was half in a gown and still half dressed. The nurse said I could keep my pants on. Before long I was in a part of the ER that was functioning and I was put on a saline drip. My blood pressure was taken again. When I first arrived at Kaiser it had been 101/63. Now it had risen to 111 over 70. More like my normal BP. Finally the doctor arrived and we talked about what was happening. Which was really very little. I had a temperature, my gums were sore and by now I was getting a headache. No I hadn't taken any Tylenol. Didn't want to mask any of the symptoms. That I knew. So then he decided to do a physical. And that is when I remembered that I was still half dressed. The doctor looked pretty annoyed that my pants were still on and instructed the nurse to get me undressed. He disappeared for a while and when he came back was interested in my lungs and my neck. He was worried about meningitis. I had three x-rays taken. One in the exam room and then they wheeled me into the x-ray room and did two more. One full front and one to the side. At 10 a.m. the nurse said my white cell count was down to 1. That doesn't even seem possible to me but who am I to argue? I guess the chemo is really working. Anyway, the doctor came in and gave me a choice. I could stay in the hospital and take my antibiotics or I could go home and do the same. I really had no desire to stay there so I took my meds and headed home. But now I am to stay away from crowds and basically keep away from anyone just in case they are contagious with something. I am just going to stay home for a while until I have more energy. And now my throat is sore so I guess I do have something going on. Warm salty water gargle does help.


Funny thing though. I have a friend who lives in Oakland. Over that last three years she has had three parties that I have been invited to. Andy had his stroke on the date of the first party. The second one I can't remember what the deal was but he was again in the ER. And this time I was in the ER. I'm thinking that from now on, if she invites me to a party, I'm just going to pack a hospital bag and have it ready! Maybe that is what I have learned. No, I think I have learned that I am not as strong as I think I am and I must take better precautions. I need to think about how much I can be out and avoid crowded stores and school and the like. It just isn't worth the risk.


This week we have been showered with food and meals from many families. Thank you, Didi and Jerry, Liz and Keith, Lynn and Art, Jen and Brendan, Connie and Marc, and Jane and Eldon. Everything has been delicious. You are very much appreciated.

Ayyyy, my skin is even worse today. And Andy very kindly pointed out to me that my face is very broken out. And I pointed out to him that he obviously hadn't read my blog. He came up with some kind of excuse such as it is tax season or something like that. Silly Andy!
I was almost uncomfortable being seen in public but my natural propensity for enjoying being the center of attention ruled the day and out I went. In search of a particular bottle of wine. Apparently Andy and I could be the arbiters of good taste this season. The bottle in question, one Seghesio Old Vine Zinfandel had such a high rating that the ordinary wine merchants have a hard time getting it. Nevertheless, it must be had. And so to the Internet. Where anything can be had for a price!
So one errand down and many to go. Right now I am so light-headed that I am tackling one errand a day. And I feel virtuous if I get it done. I am almost afraid that this light-headedness comes from dehydration so I very earnestly pouring liquid refreshment down my throat. And I am going to get a good smoothie recipe and indulge myself with smoothies. Metamucil with OJ and Ginger ale can be satisfying for only so long. One must be open to variety. I tend to get into ruts with my diet which can be very unhealthy if one is not careful.
So, here I sit at my computer, watching two young deer on the hill, enjoying the buds opening on the fruit trees and seeing the grasses and branches waving in the gentle breeze that is sweeping over Whitecliff. It is a beautiful day!

Oh, my gosh! I'm regressing. My skin looks like heck. I am a teenager again. Yikes. Breakouts. Oh no! Really, this isn't nice. I keep thinking that if I eat healthier it will go away, but it isn't the food I'm eating, is it? It is those nasty chemicals that I am so grateful to have coursing through my veins. Okay, I will weather this. Bad skin is just that, bad skin. Must be a true gauge of what the chemo is doing. If the chemo is supposed to sluff off dead tissue then in a couple of days I should have healthy looking, vibrant skin. Or am I a wishful dreaming fool? Time will tell.

Meanwhile, I slept a little better last night. I think. I do keep waking up but not as often and for shorter periods of time.
Today I practiced my Spanish on Dolores, the lady who keeps our house from looking like a pigsty. My vocabulary is tending towards medical terms but we are understanding each other. Sabe como se dice "wig" en espanol? Peloca! I'm learning! She is very patient!

Today I am going for a walk with a friend and her baby. We are going to try for the Whitecliff Way route. Short but easy. I hope I have the energy for it!

It has been an interesting couple of days. So much for not following doctor’s orders. I know better than to eat macaroni and cheese. Even if it is the best in the world. I have enough trouble digesting fats as it is. But Friday night I had promised Becca I was going to make her favorite dinner, Macaroni and Cheese, and I had found a secret ingredient to make it even better than I ever made it before. And I wasn’t going to eat it myself because I knew it wouldn’t be a good idea. But the best laid plans… I had a serving and then some more to boot! Silly, silly me. But, honestly, it is the best Mac and Cheese you would ever want to eat. So I had been feeling worn out from the chemo on Thursday and Friday but nothing I couldn’t handle. Then Saturday morning it hit me. I went for a nice four mile walk with my marathon friends. It is the walk we have been doing for a couple of months now. Some of my friends come quite a distance to walk with me and I really, really appreciate it. But Saturday, after the walk, I felt a buzz that I usually feel after running 16 miles during a marathon. Not good. We still went out for tea and coffee afterwards but before I was done I felt wasted. Becca brought me home and my tummy started rebelling. Now, I don’t want to spoil anyone’s dinner so if you aren’t into detailed digestive descriptions please feel free to skip this paragraph. Let me begin by saying Chemotherapy just naturally turns digestive wastes into cement. Then add macaroni and cheese which is always hard for me to digest (but never stops me from eating it…until now). Neither Metamucil nor stool softeners could move this stuff through my system. And I was really, really uncomfortable, and really tired, and I couldn’t sleep. I kept drinking water hoping to soften something but nothing happened. So I was plain miserable all Saturday afternoon and night. Finally, this morning there was progress and by the afternoon I was feeling better. Still exhausted but the tummy issue was resolved. And I have learned my lesson. Salads, vegetables, fruits and lean meats, and smoothies will pass my lips. But I will not eat mac and cheese. It just isn’t worth it.
This evening, for dinner, I was feted with an Indian dinner from one of our local Indian restaurants. It was delicious. Thank you, Didi! We enjoyed every bite. And will tomorrow for lunch too.
Now I will retire for what I hope is a good night’s sleep. Heck, I will settle for somewhat restful. I’ve finished way too many books these last couple of days!

Sigh! I was all prepared to be brave and strong. I was prepared to bear the weight of the pain and the discomfort. I am the slayer. The evil infiltrator would throw me all it had and I would fight to the death. Its death. Grrrrhhhh! It was the most boring day I have had in a long time. But I jump ahead. First the day began.I jumped out of bed at 6 a.m. after a very sleepless night. I was ordered to take decadron which is supposed to help against nausea. It also makes it impossible to sleep. I had taken a dose (2 tablets) Tuesday as soon as I got it from the pharmacy and again before I went to sleep. Then an hour before chemo started. So I took 2 tablets each time as ordered. And so there was no nausea all day. But there was also no sleep at night. But that was okay. That made it easier to sleep during chemo, I guess. I had a good breakfast, Crunchy Raisin Bran with blueberry active yogurt. My favorite breakfast right now. Then Metamucil in 8 ounces of water and all my vitamins. I'm now an official member of the "old people's too many pills club". Very discouraging. I folded clean clothes and finished some other work and at 8:30 we went down to Kaiser. We checked in at the Oncology department and waited until about 9:15. I was then escorted into the inner sanctum of the infusion clinic. It was described as almost labyrinth like but I was a bird in a past life and it seemed simple enough to navigate. I was again weighed and blood pressure checked. Also had my temperature taken. My blood pressure had dropped almost 15 points since the day before. Andy attributed it to my not having to see a doctor as on the day before. I think it was more that there were just fewer hoops to jump through and I was feeling relieved that chemo was really starting. What I think of as my normal blood pressure is about 111/80. Today it started at 107/73 and dropped after chemo started to 104/70. Those drugs really do a number on one's body. The chemo nurse, Kari, brought us into a long narrowish room with probably 15 or twenty chemo chairs and all kinds of machines and IV equipment surrounding each chair. There were a number of people already settled in and getting their treatments. One really elderly lady was getting a whole blood transfusion. She really looked frail and I felt for her. But once the transfusion started she fell asleep. It didn't seem to bother her at all. Oh, and each chair had its own TV. I didn't use mine. I was too well entertained by my crew. The chemo nurse was a dear. I really liked her, but, who have I not liked through this journey? Everyone is so wonderfully kind. Anyway, Kari did the measuring and brought out all the chemo drugs and described what might happen with the side effects and what their intended results were. How many times have I heard this? The only new thing I think I heard over the last two days is that after using the toilet I must flush twice to make sure the chemo drugs are completely carried away! At one point another nurse came over to verify that I really was who I said I was, what my birthday was, what my Kaiser number was and what the various meds I was taking were. They had to do some extra steps because I was in a trial. Then they went through the list and checked them against the bags of liquid that my nurse had procured for me. There was a bit of excitement when the checking nurse asked me about the decadron. I told her I had taken it twice Tuesday and once this a.m. She thought I meant I had taken only one each time but I assured her I meant 1 dose/2 tablets. When everything was okayed, my nurse started a saline drip and then some benadryl. When the benadryl was finished we moved on to the first chemo drug, Docetaxel. After that was finished we started the Carboplatin. That was followed by the Trastuzumab which is not a chemo drug but a targeted therapy which gets at the HER2-positive breast cancer. Because I have this type of cancer I was chosen to participate in the clinical trials. The treatment this first time lasted from about 9:45 until 2:15. They say it won't take as long next time. After I started getting the benadryl I just dozed off and on for the rest of the treatment. When I woke up I would have some string cheese or crackers and a juice, watch a little of the Librarian on my iPOD and then fall asleep again. No nasty side effects, no terrors. When I told the nurse that I hadn't slept well the night before, she attributed it to my anxiety. I told her I had no anxiety, I was just excited and didn't the decadron do that. She was amused. I did confess my neck was a little sore and stiff yesterday afternoon which I believe was a little tension building up. But I lay down and listened to my guided imagery tape for chemotherapy and it just melted away.So, that was my day. When we were finished I went home and watched a little TV, slept and caught up on my emails. I'm feeling fine, just a little tired. Having taken the decadron as directed, again, I assume I won't sleep well again tonight but who knows? Maybe I will. I hope I'm not being too cavalier about how my body is responding to this treatment. If I feel ill tomorrow I'm going to be terribly embarrassed. We'll see what happens. Hugs to everyone again for all the encouragement. I know it helps.

I had a lovely walk on Saturday with my running friends. I don't know what I would do without them. They are such wonderful friends. And then on Sunday another terrific walk with Didi. Thank you all for keeping me fit!
Today was a Kaiser day. Andy and I met with the clinical trials nurse who once again went over the chemotherapy drugs I would be getting and their side effects. She included the Avastid which I began to think meant that I would be betting the extra ingredient in my cocktail. She then backed up and said no, my random number came up and it was no Avastid. I have to say I was a bit disappointed. But it was like when they had to use 4 needles in my arm for the polio vaccine. Daddy just told me I was doing great and to keep on being a brave girl. So I decided that disappointment just was a useless emotion and to get over it. I'm doing great and I'm still brave. Just fewer drugs to be brave about. I think I have gotten over it.
It was fun getting all the attention from all the different staff members. First the clinic nurse who weighed me. Of course it was wrong. I couldn't possibly have gained weight in the last couple of weeks. Just because I find excuses to keep eating out. Doesn't eating out food have fewer calories than home cooked meals? I'm sure I read that somewhere....
After I got weighed I spoke to the clinical trials nurse. When she was done I saw the oncologist who gave me a brief physical and wrote out some of the prescriptions I needed. She couldn't prescribe all of them because I hadn't had my height measured and the trials nurse needed that as well before she calculated the doses of some of the meds I needed. When I was done with the oncologist, we went back to have my height measured and I was thrilled to find out I am still a tad over 5'5" tall. I had been measured a few years ago and the nurse at that time told me I was only 5'4.5" and was losing bone mass. Obviously the measuring device was not accurate! From there I went down to the lab with another nurse who is a trials coordinator. The trials coordinator said she mostly does the paperwork for the clinical trials. But she had to observe the drawing of the blood. When that was over I went back up to the pharmacy where my anti-nausea pills and my lidocaine creme were waiting for me. I had to start taking the anti-nausea right away so I took two. Then there was a question about the creme because the pharmacist asked if I had the saran-like covering to wear over the cream that goes over my port so it absorbs better. No one had given me any but when I called the trials nurse she came right down with it. Then she gave me some advice that I decided to follow. She directed me to go to the Cheesecake Factory and get a piece of Key Lime Cheesecake. You can't ignore a nurse's orders. At least I can't. So after we went home and had lunch, I went to Barnes and Noble, got a book and a magazine for Wednesday and then went over to Cheesecake Factory. There I conscientiously got the cheesecake to take home. After inhaling the scrumptious slice of heaven I decided it was time to listen to my guided imagery CD. It is so calming and relaxing. It talks about a golden fountain that I am connected to that fills my body with a golden potion that will surround and devour the cancer cells. It is accompanied by very hypnotic music. I love listening to it. And so I did. After an hour or so of that I listened to Tina Turner and her Talk to My Heart. I love that piece. And watching her and her back up group perform! They are just amazing! Thanks, Allen!
Then we went to our shul for our Purim celebration. It is so much fun! This year we had an Indian theme and a number of us wore salwar kameeses or saris. Our rabbi and another friend (male) wore men's wedding suits with the tall turbans. They were absolutely stunning. No lie. I wish we always dressed like that. The ladies outfits are so comfortable. And no matter what shape your body is, you look good in a sari or a salwar kamees. So we read the Megillah, the Book of Esther, and then ate Indian food. More good food and good company.
Tomorrow I go in at 9 for my first chemotherapy treatment. I am so ready for this. I'm not scared, just curious and eager. I think I started getting a little tense this afternoon. My neck was feeling a little stiff. But after listening to the guided imagery CD all the tension flowed away and all was serene.
So if you are reading this on Tuesday night or Wednesday morning, think positive thoughts in my direction. I will be carrying those good thoughts with me into the therapy room. Thank you all for all the truly kind and encouraging notes, cards and emails you have sent me. You cannot imagine how touched I am by them. I am so very blessed with the friends I have made. I love you all.

Yayyyy! I am accepted into the clinical trials! Whoo hoo! Now I am beginning to feel like I am part of an exclusive sorority! Cindy the clinical trials nurse called last night to tell me they had accepted me. And this morning she told me it looked like everything was in order but there were still a couple of things I needed to do. Like one more blood test. Andy is convinced that Kaiser is just short of blood and is telling people they are sick so they can keep sticking us up for blood. I am not convinced.
So, once again I went tearing down to Kaiser to get my blood drawn. Oy, this time the waiting room is almost full. I am 121 and they are calling 104 just to be registered. So I sit and wait. A teenage girl and her mother sit down next to me. The daughter wants to run to the car because she left her book there and she wants to read it. A girl after my own heart. A teenage reader! She is reading Libba Bray's A Great and Terrible Beauty! I tell her I met the author last year when she and Shannon Hale visited my library. The child practically swoons. We are kindred spirits! We discuss more books when my cell goes off and I am receiving a text message from the Clinical Nurse. I can't get phone reception but I can get text reception. Weird! I run out into the hall where there is a white phone hanging on the wall. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to use it but I'm 60 and insured (anybody get that quote?). So I dial the 4 digit number and she answers. She asks again about what drugs and supplements I am taking and for the 10,000th time I say no, no, no ad nauseum. But I don't mind answering the same questions over and over. I know they really have to make sure I am prime trials material. And I am. So back to the waiting room. I finally get called to register and tell the registration person that the clinical trials nurse has asked that they be careful because I had clumping platelets in my last blood draw. She smiles and says okay. I'm not convinced I've told the right person so about 10 minutes later when I do get called for the blood draw I tell the intern who draws my blood that I had clumping platelets last time. She also smiles but vigorously shakes the vial of blood after it is drawn. I guess that will do the trick.
I'm out the door and into the elevator. I'm smiling and happy that I have finished that last draw. I step out of the elevator. A woman stops me and says "oh, this label is stuck to your sweater". I look at it. It is one of the labels for one of the blood draws. Rather than take a chance that this is just a duplicate label, I go back down and approach an intake person and tell him my predicament. I'm not sure they got enough blood. He smiles and checks to see what is in the computer. Sure enough, they only took one vial and they needed two. He jumps out of his chair and says he'll do it right now. So back I go to the vampire people. One more draw. It is surprisingly painless. I am finished. And now I only have to show up on Tuesday morning to learn from the clinical trials nurse more about what exactly will happen in Chemo, get one more exam from the oncologist and have one more blood draw. I think. And then the next day Chemo will begin. I'm ecstatic! I'm finally going to get down to the nitty gritty of killing this evil thing. Yayyyyy!

Ayyy, the sun is out. I feel like I should go out and enjoy the warmth and sun. But hold on a moment. I'm in Walnut Creek. We all know about the deceit of the winter sun here. Actually I call it an insincere sun. The sun is out but the air is cool and if you stand in the shade you can freeze like a polar cap. No, I'm still relishing the time I spent in San Diego with my friend Christa. The sun was out there and it was WARM! I didn't wear my sweater all day and into the evening. It was wonderful! Not just the weather was wonderful, though. It was such a great day visiting with Christa. As I said in my last blog I hadn't seen her for 10 years. The last time we met was in Germany where she lives. I stayed with her for a couple of weeks and we went on a road trip together through the Eiffel region of Germany. I hope I am getting this right. We drove through the countryside and visited castles. Some were out of fairytales, perched on cliffsides and only accessible by narrow bridges, others were close to ruins but still interesting to wander through. We had such a fun time. We even drove under the test track that you see on some of those auto ads that show high performance cars tearing down raceways. I did the driving, she did the navigating and her husband did the worrying. We left him at home and he trusted me to drive his car which I thought was very brave of him. I explained to him that I had driven in Germany when I was 16, 18 and 23 and I thought I could handle it. Some of the rules are different but not enough to cause an unfortunate confrontation with another vehicle. As I said, we had a great time and I don't think we got lost once.
But I digress. Monday I flew down to San Diego at 6:30 which meant I had to get up at four. It is amazing what the emotion of anticipation can do to drowsiness. I was awake and alert which was just as well because it wasn't only dark and early, it was wet. But I made it into Oakland without a problem. I parked in that long term lot that is just to the right of Terminal 1. I hadn't ever done that before I but I was feeling like indulging myself. There are shuttles that will take you to the terminals from there but it really is just a hop, skip and a jump to the ticket counters and so I walked over. Since my boarding passes were in hand I sailed through security and made it to the boarding area in plenty of time. I haven't been on Southwest for a year or two and wasn't aware of their new procedures. You now not only get a letter to board by but they also issue you a unique number so you don't have to stand in line at all. They expect you to line up first by Group letter and then numerically so there isn't any need to wait, sitting on the floor for two hours as I have done with previous flights. This is very civilized. Maybe soon they will discover that they can actually assign seats so there is even less reason to get online exactly 24 hours before the flight to get into the A group!
My flight was uneventful. I met a woman who was flying down to San Diego for a business appointment. She had just gotten a promotion and she was feeling ambivelent about it. She had enjoyed doing what she did before the promotion. She wasn't sure she would like this new job. It was literally her first day. She asked me what I did and I told her I ran a middle school library but I am on leave because I have breast cancer. Don't know exactly why I told her so much. She was very sweet and wished me luck in my treatment and said she would pray for me. But then we got to talking and she poured her heart out to me. Her husband had never wanted children and she was getting to a significant decade and children were not going to be in her future. The realization that she would never have children was getting to her. She was feeling depressed and had been for some time. I jumped right in at that point and asked her if she was taking anything for her depression. She said yes but she still felt depressed. Well, I have very definite opinions about depression. I told her if she had been on a medication for a while and it wasn't working she needed to tell her doctor and they needed to find something that would work. I know one can beat depression and there is no need to suffer from it. We talked about different meds. We talked about things she could do to fill the hole in her life where children would have been. This wasn't a long conversation but I really feel like I was put on that plane for a reason and it wasn't just for having fun in San Diego. I think I might have helped her a little bit. This isn't a brag I hope. What I am trying to convey is that sometimes we are in a situation where someone will remark about something that has nothing to do with anything but you can sense that there is more to come. And if you are quiet and listen, the real conversation will begin to unfold and you have an important part to play in it. Sometimes just a thoughtful smile may be all that is needed. Or a reassuring hand to hold. But it can make a difference in someone else's life. You have the opportunity to make a little difference and you do it. And it is good. I hope I helped her.
When I arrived in San Diego I did that public transit thing again. Bus to trolley, trolley to trolley, trolley to bus and a half mile walk. When I got to Christa's hotel, she was just coming out the door to watch for me. And she is still Christa! We giggle about the same things and are indignant about the same things. We both enjoy walking our shoes off. We both like coffee drinks although she is still a cappucino drinker and I still prefer lattes. We spent the whole day, walking, talking, eating, walking, talking, eating. It was heaven. And because she is my friend who had gone through the same thing I am going through now, only 17 years ago, she had much to share with me. I love her spirit and her positive attitude. She reminded me that although she did get worn out from the radiation, she never got sick from either the chemo or the radiation. She feels that she was so certain she was going to get rid of the icky, cockroach cancer in her body, that she never got sick. And since I feel the same way, I am going to make a daring assumption and say that I will not be sick either. Gosh, I am also very superstitious. I hope this doesn't jinx it. Well, it won't. The positive side of my personality is talking to the superstitious side of my personality and telling it to take a hike. Good. Anyway, Christa had all kinds of interesting things to tell me about her experiences, some of which I remembered and some of which I never knew, and it just gave me a really good feeling. We were so engrossed in our adventures for the day that I wasn't even conscious of the itchy numbness on one side of my chest or the gravity pull on the porta-cath on the other side. I completely forgot about them all day. We were on the go until dusk. We then returned to the hotel and her husband joined us for dinner. It was lovely. At the Cheesecake Factory. Yummy fish tacos. My favorite. And when we finished it was time for me to go to the airport. We said our farewells but I'm hoping it won't be so long until we see each other again. Maybe next year in Hawaii. She loves Hawaii too.
I'm glad I went. It was a crazy, silly lark but I really needed it. And we did have the best time.
If Kaiser ever calls me my happiness will be complete. We are still waiting for some kind of communication from the clinical trials researchers. I hope it won't be too much longer. I hate to keep bugging the Kaiser clinical trials nurse. I know she has no control over other people's responses. But I am so eager to get this show on the road. I just got an email from a friend who was recently diagnosed with another form of cancer. He was also put into a trial and apparently his experience was much the same as mine has been. Tests, followed by more tests, and oops, another one. But he is in chemo now and I'm sure he will do well. He had nothing but nice things to say about our nurses and I know he is right. So, once again, I sit and wait. Or go for a walk with my cell phone in my pocket, just in case the call should come. And it will. Soon.

What is new? I see scrub jays out on that huge gnarly old oak tree behind our house. Oh, and there is a robin up on the fence looking a little annoyed at the jays. I wonder what is up? The apricot tree is about to bloom, the hillside is a verdant carpet of green and the sky is crying.
I'll be going out for a walk in that in a few minutes. But meanwhile I shall convey the latest news. Which isn't much. My friend Christa is in San Diego for just a couple of days. I haven't seen her in ten years. She lives in Germany. On a lark, I asked her if she would like to spend the day with me on Monday. I could fly down and we could play. She agreed it would be fun. I asked my oncologist and trials nurse if there would be any reason for me not to fly or if there was any chance that I would be called in on Monday. They said, go have fun. So I will leave very early and come back very late and if it doesn't rain it should be a wonderful day in San Diego. I hope we can take advantage of public transit most of the day. They have a lovely trolley car system there and a bus that connects the trolley to the airport so it should be easy. I did it once before about 13 or so years ago. I had to deliver a car to Carlsbad. I drove down there, left the car and then I was dropped off at the Carlsbad MetroLink Station. I took it into San Diego, got off the train and jumped on the bus to the airport. I walked up to the jetway counter and bought a ticket (how times have changed!) flew to Oakland, took the BART shuttle to the Coliseum BART station and Andy brought me home when I arrived in Walnut Creek. I cheated by not taking the County Transit bus to our neighborhood but I felt that I supported public transportation system pretty well that day. I left Carlsbad around 5:30, got a 7 a.m flight and was in Walnut Creek before 10:30. Not bad, I think.
On othere fronts, I have no bladder infection. According to the extended tests there is nothing to worry about. And I won't.
I am a card carrying port wearer. Really! I have a laminated card that says I have a port, where it is positioned, who my doctor is and his phone number and the registration number of my port and its model number. I also wear a stretchy bracelet that says I have a port and a tag for my keychain. Pretty fancy stuff. And to complement my fuchsia and gray bracelet I have a Susan Komen for the Cure two tone pink stretchy ring! Thank you Olga! With my trendy hair cut I feel like a million. Except for the itchy bump on my left shoulder and the itchy, numb scar on my left armpit. Yes, itchy and numb. A little itchy here, a little numb there. But nothing I can't deal with. tee hee!