Ayyy, the sun is out. I feel like I should go out and enjoy the warmth and sun. But hold on a moment. I'm in Walnut Creek. We all know about the deceit of the winter sun here. Actually I call it an insincere sun. The sun is out but the air is cool and if you stand in the shade you can freeze like a polar cap. No, I'm still relishing the time I spent in San Diego with my friend Christa. The sun was out there and it was WARM! I didn't wear my sweater all day and into the evening. It was wonderful! Not just the weather was wonderful, though. It was such a great day visiting with Christa. As I said in my last blog I hadn't seen her for 10 years. The last time we met was in Germany where she lives. I stayed with her for a couple of weeks and we went on a road trip together through the Eiffel region of Germany. I hope I am getting this right. We drove through the countryside and visited castles. Some were out of fairytales, perched on cliffsides and only accessible by narrow bridges, others were close to ruins but still interesting to wander through. We had such a fun time. We even drove under the test track that you see on some of those auto ads that show high performance cars tearing down raceways. I did the driving, she did the navigating and her husband did the worrying. We left him at home and he trusted me to drive his car which I thought was very brave of him. I explained to him that I had driven in Germany when I was 16, 18 and 23 and I thought I could handle it. Some of the rules are different but not enough to cause an unfortunate confrontation with another vehicle. As I said, we had a great time and I don't think we got lost once.
But I digress. Monday I flew down to San Diego at 6:30 which meant I had to get up at four. It is amazing what the emotion of anticipation can do to drowsiness. I was awake and alert which was just as well because it wasn't only dark and early, it was wet. But I made it into Oakland without a problem. I parked in that long term lot that is just to the right of Terminal 1. I hadn't ever done that before I but I was feeling like indulging myself. There are shuttles that will take you to the terminals from there but it really is just a hop, skip and a jump to the ticket counters and so I walked over. Since my boarding passes were in hand I sailed through security and made it to the boarding area in plenty of time. I haven't been on Southwest for a year or two and wasn't aware of their new procedures. You now not only get a letter to board by but they also issue you a unique number so you don't have to stand in line at all. They expect you to line up first by Group letter and then numerically so there isn't any need to wait, sitting on the floor for two hours as I have done with previous flights. This is very civilized. Maybe soon they will discover that they can actually assign seats so there is even less reason to get online exactly 24 hours before the flight to get into the A group!
My flight was uneventful. I met a woman who was flying down to San Diego for a business appointment. She had just gotten a promotion and she was feeling ambivelent about it. She had enjoyed doing what she did before the promotion. She wasn't sure she would like this new job. It was literally her first day. She asked me what I did and I told her I ran a middle school library but I am on leave because I have breast cancer. Don't know exactly why I told her so much. She was very sweet and wished me luck in my treatment and said she would pray for me. But then we got to talking and she poured her heart out to me. Her husband had never wanted children and she was getting to a significant decade and children were not going to be in her future. The realization that she would never have children was getting to her. She was feeling depressed and had been for some time. I jumped right in at that point and asked her if she was taking anything for her depression. She said yes but she still felt depressed. Well, I have very definite opinions about depression. I told her if she had been on a medication for a while and it wasn't working she needed to tell her doctor and they needed to find something that would work. I know one can beat depression and there is no need to suffer from it. We talked about different meds. We talked about things she could do to fill the hole in her life where children would have been. This wasn't a long conversation but I really feel like I was put on that plane for a reason and it wasn't just for having fun in San Diego. I think I might have helped her a little bit. This isn't a brag I hope. What I am trying to convey is that sometimes we are in a situation where someone will remark about something that has nothing to do with anything but you can sense that there is more to come. And if you are quiet and listen, the real conversation will begin to unfold and you have an important part to play in it. Sometimes just a thoughtful smile may be all that is needed. Or a reassuring hand to hold. But it can make a difference in someone else's life. You have the opportunity to make a little difference and you do it. And it is good. I hope I helped her.
When I arrived in San Diego I did that public transit thing again. Bus to trolley, trolley to trolley, trolley to bus and a half mile walk. When I got to Christa's hotel, she was just coming out the door to watch for me. And she is still Christa! We giggle about the same things and are indignant about the same things. We both enjoy walking our shoes off. We both like coffee drinks although she is still a cappucino drinker and I still prefer lattes. We spent the whole day, walking, talking, eating, walking, talking, eating. It was heaven. And because she is my friend who had gone through the same thing I am going through now, only 17 years ago, she had much to share with me. I love her spirit and her positive attitude. She reminded me that although she did get worn out from the radiation, she never got sick from either the chemo or the radiation. She feels that she was so certain she was going to get rid of the icky, cockroach cancer in her body, that she never got sick. And since I feel the same way, I am going to make a daring assumption and say that I will not be sick either. Gosh, I am also very superstitious. I hope this doesn't jinx it. Well, it won't. The positive side of my personality is talking to the superstitious side of my personality and telling it to take a hike. Good. Anyway, Christa had all kinds of interesting things to tell me about her experiences, some of which I remembered and some of which I never knew, and it just gave me a really good feeling. We were so engrossed in our adventures for the day that I wasn't even conscious of the itchy numbness on one side of my chest or the gravity pull on the porta-cath on the other side. I completely forgot about them all day. We were on the go until dusk. We then returned to the hotel and her husband joined us for dinner. It was lovely. At the Cheesecake Factory. Yummy fish tacos. My favorite. And when we finished it was time for me to go to the airport. We said our farewells but I'm hoping it won't be so long until we see each other again. Maybe next year in Hawaii. She loves Hawaii too.
I'm glad I went. It was a crazy, silly lark but I really needed it. And we did have the best time.
If Kaiser ever calls me my happiness will be complete. We are still waiting for some kind of communication from the clinical trials researchers. I hope it won't be too much longer. I hate to keep bugging the Kaiser clinical trials nurse. I know she has no control over other people's responses. But I am so eager to get this show on the road. I just got an email from a friend who was recently diagnosed with another form of cancer. He was also put into a trial and apparently his experience was much the same as mine has been. Tests, followed by more tests, and oops, another one. But he is in chemo now and I'm sure he will do well. He had nothing but nice things to say about our nurses and I know he is right. So, once again, I sit and wait. Or go for a walk with my cell phone in my pocket, just in case the call should come. And it will. Soon.