Shhh! Don't tell my oncologist or the trials nurse. I have been told that this activity is a no-no. But as I have stated previously, telling me not to do something sometimes has a reverse effect. And so, I had a manicure. And not only that, I had a manicure and a pedicure. Okay, okay, what is so wrong with that? Well, apparently in having a manicure one can expose one's self to infections. Trimming those cuticles can be dangerous. And yet, I have never had any broken skin that I can recall having a manicure. I can't handle those cute little nail trimmers very well with this neuropathy and I have never done well trimming my toenails so a manicure/pedicure seemed in order. I even made sure that I didn't get the rigorous massage on my right arm because of the possibility of lymphedema. I was being really careful. I enjoyed it and I'm not sorry! It was fun, my nails are beautiful and no nicks, cuts or skin breaks. Yayyy!
This week has seen a plethora of food deliveries. Thank you Julie for the chicken and rice. They were delicious. Thank you Fern for the fish casserole! Wonderful. Vera dropped off a zucchini loaf and a crossword puzzle book. Food for the tummy and the mind. Yum! Jane and I had tea and scones this morning and she sent me home with more scones, cookies and marmalade. Tasty! And then Robin brought over a banquet of salmon, rice, broccoli and bread and a good book to read. Yum again! And people wonder why I'm not losing weight?
And now, it is way past my bedtime. I'm off to slumber land. More tomorrow.

I wore one of my scarves yesterday. The turquoise blue one that Kathy sent me. I have worn the scarves before but just to cover my head and throw over my shoulders to hide my face from the sun. Yesterday, I wanted to go to shul but I didn't want to wear my wig or a hat. So I folded the scarf lengthwise twice, placed the center at the back of my head, brought both sides to the front, crossed them and brought them back to the back. Oh, I did open the fold a little to make sure my head was entirely covered with scarf. Anyway, I then tied it twice and left the ends hanging. I checked with a youngish neighbor and she said it was way cool or something to that effect so I went with it. And it felt very secure and I felt very exotic. And I remember once when my mom decided to wear a scarf on her head like that only she wanted to put some fresh roses on it. My sisters and I were horrified and made her take it off. I feel really bad about that now. Sigh!

In for a penny...

In for a penny, in for a pound. That was the phrase I was trying to remember yesterday. Strangely, we were watching an old episode of Upstairs, Downstairs last night and I think it was Rose who said it.

I hope I don't always sound whiny. I really have many things to be thankful for. Not the least of which is all the good friends and relatives I have come to truly appreciate. I am a very lucky person in that regard, I think. But sometimes I know I complain about this situation I am in and yesterday it occurred to me that there were a couple of things that are not so bad about going through chemotherapy. For one thing, I haven't had to shave my legs in months!!!! Now that is something for which I am very grateful. And I haven't had to pluck those little facial whiskers that women of a certain age have to deal with. Another thing is that this time around with the neupogen, I didn't feel any side effects. I completely forgot about the hip and leg aches until this morning. If I didn't feel them Tuesday or Wednesday, I am pretty sure I'm not going to feel them this time around! And the last thing I can come up with is that I am getting some pretty good quality sleep lately. I am so often falling asleep by 7 p.m., awaking around 10 for a few minutes of reading and then falling asleep again until 5 or 6 a.m. I think I have dreams most of the time which means that this is useful sleep. I'm obviously trying to resolve stuff as I slumber. I don't think I've had any anxiety dreams or nightmares. Just funny, strange dreams that take me here and there, near and far, inside the U.S. and to Europe. This is very cheap travel and I haven't had to use my passport. I also don't get jet lag!
This morning, after a nice oatmeal and prune breakfast with a chaser of vitamins and minerals, I went for a four mile walk with Kara and Morgan. Now normally, a four mile walk takes us about an hour and 20 minutes maximum. Today, with a pregnant woman and a chemo patient it took us about an hour and 45 minutes. But it was a lovely walk. The fog kept shifting above us, not sure if it was coming inland or receding back towards the bay. This kept the air cool but there was also a very cool breeze so we didn't have to start removing layers until the last mile of the journey. And during that last mile we came upon Stan who is in training for the San Diego Marathon which is next Sunday. Have a great run Stan!
After we finished our walk we retired to Broadway Starbucks for coffee and pastries. I know, I'm not supposed to have coffee. However, I am really feeling deprived lately without it so I asked for a 1/2 caf, nonfat, grande latte. All the baristas raised their eyebrows because they know Joanne has got me on tea, whether or not I like it. But the manager defended me and said I should be able to drink what I felt like and the other baristas backed off! To celebrate I also had a scone. There is a saying about a goose and and a gander that would fit here but I can't think how it goes. Maybe that isn't it but I know there is some expression about going whole hog once you have started in a bad direction. Someone will tell what it is, I'm sure.
So, now, it is Saturday afternoon and I am about to start the latest #1 Ladies Detective Agency book. We've been enjoying the HBO series of the same name. I am enthralled by these traditionally built Botswanan ladies! And the author writes so lovingly of Botswana I really wish I could visit there someday. Being able to see it on TV (and it reflects what the author writes) is almost as good as being there. But not quite.

Of singed pots and laundry rooms

We are trying to get so much done lately. The way normal people do. But we don't usually do that. Normally we sit around and read and wait for things to go wrong, then we act. But last weekend we cleared out the laundry room so the water heater could be moved into the garage. Actually, a new water heater since the old one was throwing yucky white stuff into our hot water lines. Then we decided to reorient the washer and dryer. Then we realized that would leave us with less room than we started out with. So we bought a new stacking washer and dryer. But then we realized that the linoleum was shot. So we bought new flooring. Then we realized there were four different colors of paint on the walls. So we repainted. Now we wait for the washer and dryer to arrive to see what kind of cabinets we can fit into the room. But for the last week our kitchen table has been our storage for the laundry room. And I'm getting kind of tired of it. But until there is somewhere for them to go I guess we are stuck with vases, cleaning supplies and rags decorating the center of the kitchen. And yet, even as I write this, I am seeing all these vases and cleaning supplies tucked neatly into empty boxes and sitting on the garage floor. One obstacle down!

Of course, this all coincided with our discovery that the spa cover was water logged and needed to be replaced. Normally, I am the spa person. I clean and maintain our little bit of heaven on our back deck. But with chemo and all I just don't have the energy to do it and I think I am not supposed to mess with chemicals and cleaners anyway. I didn't think of that until I got splashed with the filter cleaner water. Now after, emptying, cleaning and refilling it, we are trying to raise the temperature of the spa water and get the chemicals balanced. And after all this I still won't be able to go into the hot tub. I thought I remembered something about not going into hot tubs but wasn't sure so I emailed Dr. Liu and she gave an unhesitating NO. So, after all this work, I shall sit next to the tub instead of inside the tub. Sigh. And as I sit next to the spa I see a dripping irrigation line which reminds me that we need to do something about the sad state of our sprinklers. We have had them looked at and repaired any number of times over the last several years and nothing seems to work. I'm at my wits end. And so is a lot of our landscaping.....

And if I don't ruin another saucepan I shall be a happy camper. Chemo brain rules say you can't multitask. Well, yes, I guess so. I forgot all about the prunes I was heating up this morning while I was trying to get the spa clean and balanced. That pot was my favorite small, heavy saucepan. Sigh. Nothing sticks to an allclad shiny surface like burned prunes. Must be all that natural sugar in them. Double sigh. And again, I take a second look. A chop stick rubbed against the blackened remnants of cooked prune seems to chip off the crispy residue and once again I have a lovely pot. Yayyyy! I was so close to tossing that little guy.

Thank you, Rozan, for delicious salads for dinner this week. And we eagerly await shabbos dinner prepared and delivered by the family Zeidman.

We are looking forward to attending the college graduation party of a friend of ours on Sunday. When I first met her she was just a baby. I know it is cliche but I can't believe you are now a college graduate! Congratulations, Sara!

My feet are definitely neuropathed and my fingers too. I hate walking even a few feet now. And walking on my hands is out of the question. Tee hee! It is just so uncomfortable. Oh, well, this too shall pass.

Sleep, Star Trek and a lost ring

Good morning! And what a lovely morning it is. A little on the cool side but the sky is clear and blue. There is a momma turkey and only one chick up on the hillside. I hope the hawks.....oh, no! I'm mistaken. Mamma was huddled and completely surrounded by her babies. There are a bunch of them. Yayyy. I'm glad the hawks are staying away.

Yesterday was interesting. Once again I had little energy but lots of ambition. When Andy suggested we take in a movie on Friday afternoon I said why not today? My only concern is that I tend to fall asleep at movies, especially afternoon movies. But really, why put off something fun? So off we went to the afternoon showing of Star Trek. What a great movie. We completely enjoyed it. It was just lots of fun. Andy decided we needed a huge box of Kettle Corn and I had a decaf latte. We gorged ourselves on popcorn and I drank the whole latte. I neither fell asleep nor needed to run to the ladies. It was a perfect afternoon. Then we went to Flemings with one of the Mother's Day gift certificates we had. Our server, Lynne, was delightful. Ask for her if you go to Flemings. You won't be disappointed. But as the meal came to a close, so did I. I made it home and collapsed. Leah came over for a visit but I was out for the count. Andy woke me up at 10:30 to tell me to go to sleep! I guess I changed out of my clothes into my jammies but I don't remember doing that. Then I slept through to 5 a.m. I remember dreaming about staying at a farmhouse in Canada and buying opera tickets in Hungary, only I think it was Prague. The language on the signs and in the stores was Hungarian but the opera was Bartered Bride. And I was buying the tickets for friends who were visiting from Walnut Creek. Very strange. But with all the confusion it wasn't an anxiety dream. Everything went smoothly. I remember being a little concerned about finding the ticket office but walked straight to it without any problem. Which is probably what would happen if I got dropped into Budapest right now. I have no idea where the ticket offices are but if I found myself in Budapest I would probably remember where to go.

Oh, good news! Remember the little gold and diamond band I lost? Well, it has been recovered. And I don't think I actually lost it. I am pretty sure I gave it to Andy. He put it down with the other two rings I handed him but when he put them away he only picked up the two bigger rings. Then he was off to Europe. Yesterday he casually handed the "lost" ring to me and asked me if I recognized it. I was so thrilled, happy, relieved. He had actually noticed it a couple of days ago but had forgotten that I was missing it. So who has chemo brain!?!

In which Mardie partakes of a doughnut and dreams of hamburgers

There were a couple of pretty hot days. And they really hit me hard. It was cool enough in the house, but I just felt blucky. I slept a lot and couldn't concentrate on anything. And this neuropathy is really making itself felt now. My feet are always uncomfortable. I can't say they hurt. They don't. But they feel like I'm wearing a pair of really old, dirty socks. They just don't feel good. And my fingers feel funny. Not numb. I don't know how to describe it. Like I have extra skin on the pads of my fingers. I'm feeling through an extra layer of skin. It just feels weird. And now I'm reading friends Facebook pages and emails and everything they comment on influences me. Morgan dreams about doughnuts and now I won't be happy until I have one. Oh, yeah, I did. An old-fashioned maple. After I bought it I thought I might throw up so I just put it aside. And then the gnawing desire to eat it took over and it was history. And it was delicious. Gale writes about George's Giant Burgers. Funny, I just passed it yesterday and knew I had to eat there soon. So now it is on my list of places to visit in the next day or two. Yesterday I couldn't complete the day without some frozen yogurt in a waffle cone. Is this chemo brain or am I just bored? I'm reading plenty of books so I'm not totally vegetating. But walking even short distances takes it out of me now. My heart starts pounding and I have to sit down. Even when I run a marathon that doesn't happen to me.
Today it is much cooler. But the sun is still very bright so I shouldn't go out in it. I burn at the drop of a hat. Even if I'm not in direct sunlight. It is so frustrating. One must slather up with sunscreen and then wear a hat and scarf and long sleeves and hope it works to keep you from the scorching rays of the sun. Sometimes it works. But sometimes all that happens is one starts sweating from all the body cover and then the sunscreen runs into your eyes and you are uncomfortable in extra ways. Ayyyy!

Today has got to be my worst day ever, which, if taken in perspective, isn't really that bad, I'm sure. I had plans for today. A walk to Sunrise Bistro for potato latkes with Didi and friends, followed by a makeover at Nordstroms and then lunch with Mary. Instead. I slept almost all day. I just couldn't keep awake. And we had the a/c going so I can't really blame the heat. Outside it was 102.9 at 6 p.m. but inside it was very comfortable. This round of chemo has just socked me a good punch. I feel listless, shaky and tired. And my digestion is all vershnushkied again. I bent another needle again today but I did manage to give myself my injection with a new needle. Those needles are so particular. You talk to them, you give them reassurance and they still turn on you. Sigh!
I did talk to Julie at Safeway today. Congratulations to her on her upcoming graduation from DVC. We both got a little misty eyed over it. She has been going to school for years and this was something she was determined to accomplish. You go, Julie! Now, go to Hawaii and enjoy yourself. You deserve it!
And thank you to Jan and Don who brought over a tasty dinner for us. All my favorite foods. Wonderful!
Now I await word from daughter Sonia and her friend Steve about their adventures in Switzerland. They are supposed to return tomorrow. But from the facebook page I saw the other day they might be in jail. Hope they manage to catch their flight!
Okay, that is enough chat for now. Back to bed for me. Happy rest of the week to you all.

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I went to sleep early last night. At least I think it was early, before 10 p.m., I'm sure. I do know I was wide awake at 4 a.m. I think the cat woke me up and then I just couldn't get back to sleep. I still lay there quietly just awake dreaming about this and that. Travel, Hawaii, Switzerland. Places I still want to see and things I still want to do. But I have plenty of time.
When I think about the travelling my grandma did after she turned 70 I marvel at her intrepid spirit. Many people thought she was taking great risks. She had a heart condition and diabetes. But she didn't let that stop her. She went to Europe just about every year for 10 years after she turned 70. And she didn't go on guided tours. She went on her own. Twice we bought cars and drove through Germany and Czechoslovakia. People would make comments about how well she got around at her age. (But in all honesty I must add that I did most of the driving). And she wasn't a fitness buff. In fact, she used to brag about her perfect size 14 figure. I believe that was because Marilyn Monroe was a 14 that Grandma would say that. Those were the good old days when women had figures.
When I was 16, I thought 70 was ancient. Now it is just a decade away from me. And I know so many young 70 year olds that 80 doesn't seem so old to me anymore. These portals to new decades are just reminders to us of our mortality, nothing more.

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Chemo brain sets in

For the first time in this breast cancer journey I was near to tears this morning. And I'm almost embarrassed to say why. I shouldn't have let myself get to this point. But, you know, when you try your best to be informed and keep those who need to know informed, it is disappointing when it doesn't work. I had to go back to the lab this morning to have my blood drawn again to see if the platelet count was going up. The way it looked on Monday, my oncologist said I wouldn't be able to do my chemotherapy today if my platelet count remained as low as it was. I was a little unhappy about having to go back to the lab again. My arm looks like a junky's arm, I'm sure. I never used to have a problem with needles. I always felt that getting shots and giving blood was a good thing to do so I felt no fear. Now, I do not look forward to my forays into the lab. So as is my custom, I told the receptionist I am a clumper. She told me to tell the technician who was to draw my blood. I handed the technican my card which CLEARLY states that I am a clumper but just to be on the safe side I said, "do I need to tell you I am a clumper?". And she said yes, okay, and so I thought it was taken care of. She was a good sticker. I didn't even feel the needle go in and she was done in moment. An hour after I got home there was a call. I had to go back and do it again. My blood had clumped. I just about lost it. I was so unhappy. Not mad, not angry, I just didn't want another needle in my arm. But I went back to Kaiser, thank goodness it is only about 7 minutes away, and presented myself to the woman who had telephoned me. We went over what happened and I reminded her that she, herself, had put a sticker on my card saying I was a clumper. I told her I had told the technician and she said I should have told the receptionist. I assured her I had told the receptionist and that the receptionist had told me I should tell the technician. The woman who called me took me back to a drawing station and told me that whenever I have my blood drawn I should make sure there are two vials, one blue, one lavender. I assured her I would. When she finished she ran the blood upstairs and a few minutes after I got home the numbers were posted on my medical files which I can access through the Kaiser website. And the platelet count had gone up quite a bit. I was very pleased. So I did proceed to Kaiser for my 10 a.m. chemo appointment where I was greeted with open arms. I had Denise again as my chemo nurse. They are all very nice but she is especially kind and very upbeat. I have to say that as long as I am awake there, I truly enjoy the visit. But the benadryl usually knocks me out so I don't always stay awake.

There was one scary moment though. I am afraid my chemo brain is real. Before they administer all the chemo drugs there is a cross check ritual that must be observed. Another nurse is called over to go over all the drugs with my primary chemo nurse, the name of the drug and the amounts to be used and who they are for. But even before they do that they check basic information with the patient. And I am used to this so I just go through the information without their asking me. My name, spelling the last name. Then my Kaiser number, then my date of birth. I said 12 and then I started to say 28. But it didn't sound right to me. For the briefest of moments I couldn't remember 22. Horrors! Then it jumped into my brain. The birth year followed (1948 for those of you who are afraid to ask) and the rest was clear sailing. But it did shake me up because that had never happened to me before.

I slept for some of the time today. I tried to read my book, Our Hearts Were Young and Gay, a true, light hearted look at two young Bryn Mawr girls who take a summer off to travel to Europe in the 20's, written by Cornelia Otis Skinner in 1943. I read it first when I was 12 or 13 and it turned on the travel gene in me. I dreamed of doing the same thing when I was 18. And lo and behold I sort of got my wish. My Czech grandma took me on a 4 month grand tour of Europe when I was 16. Anyone remember Fodor's Europe on $5 a Day? Well, we did it. It wasn't exactly the trip I envisioned. My grandma was not a fellow 16 year old, she was 70, and she was quite determined to make a young lady out of me. I would have none of it and we sometimes had very strong disagreements. But it was still the trip of a lifetime and I will never forget it. But I digress.

My chemo treatment went smoothly, although when the herceptin was started my legs felt a rush. I asked the substitute nurse (my nurse was on her lunch breake) to slow down the flow. I told her what was going on and she agreed to change the drip from 30 minutes to an hour. Aside from that, nothing else exciting happened.

My appointment started later than usual so it lasted through the lunch hour. I was really hungry when the treatment was over so I asked Andy to take me out for lunch. We went to the Cheesecake Factory. And then another revelation. I was going to have a salad but suddenly my brain said Hamburger. After making my decision I decided to call Liz D. to let her know I was done. She likes to keep tabs on me, just in case (I don't know of what the just in case is about). Anyway, she told me to load up on protein and suddenly I had an epiphany. I have already said how I see the metaphor of the marathon in this breast cancer treatment. And suddenly it became real. Just as I figured out after my third marathon that I had to have a hamburger (and a beer) after completing a marathon, I must have some good protein after chemo. So the hamburger was a perfect choice. And french fries weren't a bad substitute for beer although they are much fattier. But aside from just about falling asleep at the table afterwards, I felt really good about my choice.

And so we went home and we both promptly fell asleep. After about 2 hours I woke up. Liz D. came over with a meal from Nikki at school and then Liz M. arrived with some homemade split pea soup. Dinner was spectacular. Thank you both!

I am now offically into the second half of the super chemo treatment. Two more and then I only have to continue with the herceptin for 9 more months. But the radiation will begin in July if everything continues well. And that will be a new part of my journey and adventure. Stay tuned!

Sun, sun, go away!

Perhaps I am not totally sincere about not wanting sunshine. The weather has been absolutely glorious here the last couple of days. The hills started to green up again because of the unseasonal rain but it just takes a day or two for our open space to turn golden again. During the two weeks when it rained on and off, when the sky was a gloomy gray, I thought I wanted sunshine. But in my imagination, this sunlight was about two steps ahead of me and I could walk in the shade but enjoy the light of the sun without being in it. Now I've got the sun but don't you know, it insists on shining directly on me. Even with sun screen I burn. So I have to cover with long sleeves and headcoverings and gloves. And in the sunlight I start feeling like I have a fever, I get so hot with all the body covering. So, I am not walking as much as I should. Oh, I could walk in the morning before the sun comes up but I get a little nervous, out on my own in the dark. And in the evening I am generally too exhausted to go out. So, I just fidget. And here I am complaining which I really don't like to do...well, not much....well maybe I do.

Wow, greetings to those of you who are looking at this blog from the four corners of our earth! G'day, Sydney! Hi, Singapore! Hello, Fiji! Buon Giorno, Italy. Goodness! Hungary, Germany, England and China! I hope I am providing good information and entertaining talk story to all of you, wherever you are.
Bummer! Sorry for the 60's talk but that is the way I am feeling right now. I went to have a consultation with my doctor, Dr. Liu, and she says my platelet count is too low for me to have chemo tomorrow. But she encouraged me to come in tomorrow at the crack of dawn, see the vampire people (also known as the lab people) and have them test my blood platelets again. Maybe the numbers will climb between yesterday and tomorrow and I can still have my chemo. If not, we have to wait until the numbers are better. She agrees with me that I am experiencing neuropathy. My socks have been uncomfortable on my feet lately. I thought maybe the detergent hadn't rinsed out of the socks enough but after multiple rinsings of all my socks I realized it had to be my feet. They aren't numb. Just sensitive and maybe a bit tingley. On the bottoms of my feet. And my fingertips are a little sensitive. But not as bad as my feet. Well, I don't mean my feet are "bad" but they are a little uncomfortable. I'm not complaining. I still feel like my condition is a piece of cake compared to others I have talked to who are going through Chemo. I am merely making an observation. I was a little hesitant to bring up the neuropathy with the doctor. Oh, I knew I had to tell her but I was afraid she would get upset and tell me it was a very bad sign. She didn't though. She just said that it was to be expected and I shouldn't worry. Just keep her informed. She also said I can use over the counter anti fungal creams for my toes but she wasn't convinced it was athletes feet. I will try it and see if the itching and cracking goes away.
I am happy to report that my blood pressure was 103/64. I guess the call to stop drinking coffee and to stop worrying about everything was a good one. Yayyy me!

40 in 40 Challenge

I have a friend who has a friend. Don't we all? But this is a special story about a special person. My friend Iris mentioned to me a couple of months ago that she works with a guy from Charlotte, North Carolina, named Sean. Sean has run a few marathons. Iris and I have run a few marathons. Somehow Iris and Sean discovered they had this interest in common. And recently, Sean decided that as he was about to turn 40 he wanted to do something special with his life. So between his 39th and 40th birthdays (his fortieth year) he is going to participate in 40 endurance events and raise $40,000 for his favorite charities. No small challenge! He has already done a few and raised a few thousand dollars but he still has 11 months to go. And in June he is coming to California to participate in an event up at Lake Tahoe. So Iris is giving him a fundraising party. Wine tasting and fund raising. If you are interested in learning about Sean and his 40 in 40 challenge visit his blog http://seans40in40withlls.blogspot.com/ And if you would like to help him and have fun at a wine tasting then let me know and I will see that you get an invitation. It will be the first weekend in June and should be lots of fun!

Another week, another round of chemo

Well, I got a letter from my oncologist and the news was good. The MUGA (see last blog post) came out well. My heart is apparently functioning well and the racing heart was just that a temporary problem. I hope I wasn't reading more into the letter than there was. It sounded like good news to me.

So I am all ready for my next chemo on Wednesday. Monday afternoon I'll go in for my regular blood work. Tuesday I have an appointment with my oncologist. I actually have some questions for her. Like, is my skin more sensitive now or am I having symptoms of neuropathy? I'm guessing it is neuropathy but I'm not the doctor. I will be interested to hear what she has to say. Another thing I'm concerned about is, am I getting a fungal infection between my toes? I can't think how I could have picked up athlete's foot but I think I have the symptoms. And if I do, can I use over the counter creams to treat it or would that mess up my chemotherapy? Tuesday I also start my anti-nausea pills. They seem to work. I haven't gotten nauseated during chemo treatments. This last round I felt like I might get nauseated but I didn't. My throat felt a little iffy but nothing beyond that.


There are so many things to worry about. Or, am I worrying unnecessarily? While Andy was gone I worried myself into almost a panic. And what happened? I had that racing heart which scared me even more. And all for nothing. When Andy got home everything I had worried about was okay. So now I worry about worrying. Will this nonsense ever end? I must get a grip on myself.

I got an email from a friend who is also going through chemotherapy. Apparently there is condition referred to as chemo brain. Some of one's brain cells don't regenerate when one is on chemotherapy and so one loses some abilities. Like being able to multitask. Or remember things. One might lose vocabulary. This is all temporary, I'm pretty sure. Just while one is getting chemo. But also unsettling. If anyone is interested in this let me know and I'll send you the email about it.


Today Andy and I talked about what we are going to do when my treatments are all done. This will be after my radiation and the last of the chemo treatments which will last until next March. We've decided that if our condo on Maui is finished by the summer of 2010 we will spend two months there from the end of June to the end of August. We'll just enjoy the good air and the sun. If we really find that we like it, we'll start thinking about spending more time in Hawaii. It is something to which we look forward.

Friends and food!

We continue to be grateful to all the friends and neighbors who have provided us with meals. Last weekend the Clark/Dautel/Castro family brought over a picnic basket filled with Kosher delectable treats (salami, pickles, fruit, bread, cookies and lemonade). And with all the goodies was a three page essay about the origins and history of May Day. Food for the body and the mind! Wednesday brought a delicious chicken/rice and corn dinner from Maria Gregory and Saturday we received a delicious casserole and salad from the Toland family. People keep asking me if I have lost weight. Well, not with the wonderful meals friends have been delivering!
And I musn't neglect to mention Liz who not only has stepped in to run the library while I am getting my treatments but also makes grocery store runs for me whenever I ask. And sometimes I don't even give her specific items. I ask her to find something I might like to eat and she figures out what that exactly means and brings me something I didn't even know I wanted!

MUGA

Yesterday was MUGA Day. MUGA stands for multigated acquisition. And what does that mean? For me, it meant a heart scan. I've described the procedure before, I'm pretty sure. I went to Kaiser, where a nice man named Allen began by giving me an EKG. He said my heart was racing. Well, we determined it could be a number of reasons, but being in chemo was one of them. How reassuring! After the EKG he drew some blood and put a dye into it. I rested for about 20 minutes and then Allen came back and reinjected the dye-infused blood into my arm and reattached the monitoring devices to my chest and abdomen. Then he positioned that white square camera over my heart and away we went. The MUGA measures how well my left ventricle is working. Each procedure took about 7 minutes. I could actually see a moving picture of my heart on the computer screen! This is a noninvasive procedure and is considered quite safe. And is necessary to make sure that chemotherapy is not killing me. He did the scan twice, and I was done. As Allen worked we talked about one thing and another. I guess it started with the weather. He likes Southern California weather better than East Bay weather. He grew up in the Valley (San Fernando, of which I have previously written). I told him I grew up in Whittier. Wouldn't you know it, he took a class at Rio Hondo Jr. College, which is in Whittier. I also took some classes there, only about 20 years earlier than he did. Well, one thing led to another and I mentioned my blog. And then we talked about schools. His children go to a local school. And then we figured out that we are neighbors! Such a small world!


Andy and Becca will be returning from Europe soon. Becca has been sick. I was afraid it was the swine flu, but after consulting with a doctor they determined it was sinusitis. I'm hoping she will get back to Ann Arbor without any problems. And I am looking forward to Andy's return.


Sonia has been here with me to make sure I don't get into any trouble. I'm such a dull person. No fear of that. She leaves tomorrow for Chicago and then on to the East Coast and then Zurich. Oh those Fulops! Can't keep them away from the Continent!


Next week I have chemo again, assuming I passed my MUGA and all my bloodwork is good. After that there will be only two more big chemos. Then one chemo drug every three weeks for a year. And the radiation. Musn't forget radiation. I am progressing at a rapid pace. I didn't realize how fast the time would go. It is still exciting for me to be in this "predicament." The adventure continues.

Walking and feeling well

Okay, there just isn't any way around it. If you aren't feeling well, a walk is a good treatment. If you are feeling well, a walk will help you keep on feeling good. And if it is looking icky outside, well, a little water never hurt anyone. We weren't sure we were going to go on our walk this week. The weather has been so iffy the last couple of days. Don't get me wrong. I am so happy we are still getting rain. The hills may have turned a gorgeous California golden hue, but my yard needs the water. So it was with a little bit of trepidation that I woke up this morning wondering if I should call people to tell them to meet at Rudgear Park and Ride. But, true friends are always there for you, aren't they? Allen was eager, Iris was already up and about and Liz met us at Whole Foods. We had a wonderful walk, the air was cool but no breeze and we didn't get rained on at all. Okay, so it felt a little damp the last quarter mile but the downpour didn't start until after we all got in our cars. Some might call it a miracle. I like to think that a good pace group leader can really time these things well. But what do I know?

Yesterday I met our new Safeway Deli Manager, Susan. What a nice lady! I am looking forward to many happy encounters with her and her staff. She has a good attitude and I'm thinking it will spread through the deli area. Of course, I did have a little heartbreaking incident. As I was standing near the counter waiting my turn, there was a group of younger men, I think they were day laborers, being waited upon before me. I didn't know if they were actually a group or just friendly with one another. A clerk came up to the counter and asked if I needed help. I looked at the five guys in front of me and indicated I thought maybe they were next. And one of them said, "It's okay, Mama. You go next" I felt so old. But perhaps the deference he was showing was that little bit of respect that one hears older people should be getting....I know he meant it in the nicest way. I smiled and thanked him.

I'm not superstitious, am I dear?

I went to Safeway today. I needed a couple of things that I just couldn't ask someone else to buy. As I was putting my credit card through the machine the checker, Julie, asked me how I was. I answered with a smile "great", thinking she really didn't need to know the details of my life. And then I had a flash. So, I back pedalled a little and told her, "Hmmm, twelve years ago I was standing in line here and I got into conversation with another customer. I told him that things couldn't be better in my life. The next day, my husband Andy had a heart attack." And then I explained to her that I wasn't really superstitious but I am careful about saying stuff like that anymore... even though I feel happy to be alive. [Which right now I feel like I am walking on a tightrope but I'll write it anyway].

However, the point of this whole blog is that Julie gave me a big smile and said, "you're afraid you are going to jinx yourself, aren't you?" And I nodded a little nod because I hate to admit it. I am well educated and shouldn't have these primitive feelings. And her response is what got her in my blog today. She said, "well, now you've told someone so you've broken the jinx!" And this got me to thinking about a time many, many years ago when Sonia was probably about 4 years old. She came home from nursery school one day and one thing led to another and before you know it she was telling me she had a secret. By the way she said it I could tell it wasn't a good secret. Oh, my heart dropped down to my feet and I felt like a parent who is about to hear that a terrible, horrible unspeakable thing had happened at school. And things had been happening around the Bay area with child abductions and daycare providers. Well, at first she simply wouldn't say. But, I finally convinced her that if she told me what the terrible secret was, maybe it would be okay. And then she told me she was having a terrible dream. Oh, my gracious. My heart went back into my bosom and I relaxed a little. But being the child of Freud worshipping parents I still needed to know what terrible dreams she was having. And I promised her that if she told me what the dream was, she would never have it again. So she told me. A giant chipmunk! She was having a nightmare about a giant chipmunk that was scaring her. And I told her he would never come back. And he didn't. She never had that dream again. So Julie, thank you for freeing me from worrying about saying things are good. Thank you for helping me remember how good it is to share things with people. I'm in a good place and happy to be there. Yayyy!