125 years ago, give or take a decade, there lived, in the northwest corner of Pennsylvania, a sweet young girl named Kathryn. She lived with her older sister and parents in a small village called Chapmanville and everyone in the village and in the surrounding countryside knew of the kindness and sweetness of this young lady. Her older sister, who shall remain nameless, for the sands of time have erased her name, was being courted by a well respected young man who lived in the neighboring village. He was a country doctor and had a horse and buggy. The horse's name was Kitty. One day, for reasons unclear to this storyteller, the suitor was commissioned to take Kathryn from her home to the village church. He had a sense of humor and was well aware of how sweet and kind Kathryn was. He decided to tease her and said a silly, unkind thing about Kathryn's sister. Kathryn, who was so well brought up that she would say neither anything against her sister, nor contradict the well thought of suitor replied, " my, doesn't Kitty have a nice, long tail?" referring to the horse and trying to change the subject. And so began a saying in my family. When we hear something we don't want to argue with and we wish to get out of the conversation all together we say, " My doesn't Kitty have a nice long tail" and the rule is at that point that the subject is closed and you go on to another topic. This works in my family because we know the rules. (And now you can close the blog if you do not wish to be assaulted by my righteous indignation).
Unfortunately, I can't say this to people who aren't in on the joke because they wouldn't get it. And I couldn't say it today because I took the coward's road and just got up from the table and stomped off. And my teachable moment is gone forever.
But I think I would like to say that it saddens me (and makes me angry) that on a day and in a place where and when things spiritual are supposed to transcend things of the real world, one overhears ugly racist words. And when one makes a simple request to the speaker to cease talking racist talk, racist number one is joined by others in denying they are. And they probably believe it.
But I was brought up to fight against such ugliness and I have perhaps been a little lax. I feel comfortable where I am and I sometimes let words go when I hear them because I just don't want to make waves. They are young, I think, and they will learn the error of their ways. Or, I think, they have had a terrible life and they will never learn so why make them even more unhappy by contradicting them. Or I think of a thousand and one other reasons not to respond and just try to be apart from who ever spews the venom. But today I begin the the first day of the rest of my life. I'm not going to let people feel comfortable making hateful remarks about anyone in front of me. And if that makes them uncomfortable, well, so be it.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
12th posting
So, this time when I woke up there was no one talking about Athens. No talking at all that I remember. I don't think there was anyone in a cubicle nearby. I remember just kind of thinking that I should breathe deeply. I guess it was a combination of remembering the last words I heard and remembering that last time when I was in recovery I was breathing too shallowly and my oxygen alarm went off. So I was intent on good breathing. Always trying to be the best, even if it is just breathing...tee hee! So after a while a tried to turn my head to see the clock behind me and it was about 11 a.m. They must have used the proper amount of time apportioned to them for the procedure. The nurse, Luz, came up and asked how I was doing. I said I was fine and I guess she felt I was too because she asked if I was ready to go home. I was kind of surprised that she was that eager to get rid of me but I figured what the heck. If I feel okay, why not. Fortunately I had enough wits about me to ask about the drain which I had noticed was sitting next to me on the bed. Now, the first thing I thought when I saw it was that it was the same size and shape as the little plastic bottles we use to put energy gel in when we run marathons. Really, it did. The drainage was a kind of victorian rose pink. Really very pretty. But what to do with it. The nurse ran through the procedure and it was quite simple. Every eight hours I pour off the liquid into a little measuring cup, note the amount and throw it out. Wipe off the two connectors with a sterile wipe and attach the tube to the receptacle. Quite easy really. It can hold a little more than 100 ml so it isn't huge. I pin it to my shirt so it doesn't hang from the dressing. Very neat and tidy. Anyway. I got dressed, gathered up my stuff and got another wheelchair ride to the car. We stopped at a drivein Starbucks for a latte and then headed home.
My next appointment is with the surgeon on Thursday of next week. I'll find out what they found in the rest of the lymph nodes. And hopefully be disengaged from the drain. In the meanwhile I emailed my surgeon about stepping up the process a bit and getting my oncology appointment quickly so I'm not waiting around. He says he can do that so I am now waiting to hear from the appointments people. Hope they call soon.
I slept fairly well last night. Andy took care of the drain in the middle of the night. Unfortunately I have to bury the receptacle under the blanket because our cat, Emma Goldman, thinks it is a pretty cool toy. Sigh!
Not much pain today but I'm very aware of the dressing and the drain. Hoping to go for a walk this afternoon sometime if someone will go with me. I think I have someone to go with me. I'm just waiting for her to call. So, I once again must thank everyone for their emails, cards and calls. You are all the best. I'll add more later.
My next appointment is with the surgeon on Thursday of next week. I'll find out what they found in the rest of the lymph nodes. And hopefully be disengaged from the drain. In the meanwhile I emailed my surgeon about stepping up the process a bit and getting my oncology appointment quickly so I'm not waiting around. He says he can do that so I am now waiting to hear from the appointments people. Hope they call soon.
I slept fairly well last night. Andy took care of the drain in the middle of the night. Unfortunately I have to bury the receptacle under the blanket because our cat, Emma Goldman, thinks it is a pretty cool toy. Sigh!
Not much pain today but I'm very aware of the dressing and the drain. Hoping to go for a walk this afternoon sometime if someone will go with me. I think I have someone to go with me. I'm just waiting for her to call. So, I once again must thank everyone for their emails, cards and calls. You are all the best. I'll add more later.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
11th Posting
And so we got up very early Tuesday morning. I set my alarm for 5:15, woke up at 4:35 and thought I had overslept! Quickly took a shower and then discovered, after I got dressed and started gathering stuff up that the alarm was now going off and I was up way, way too early. Such is my life, always assuming I have erred in some way.
We left the house at 6:15 (just in case) and got to Antioch half an hour early. The gentleman at the registration desk was very nice. He did ask me a few more questions than last time. But I was able to answer them satisfactorily. More phone numbers, for whom I worked, did I have an advanced health directive and did I have a living will. Or trust. One or the other. Can't remember now.
Within minutes I was escorted into the pre surgery area. Got dressed in my lovely gown, mop cap (to which I affixed my flower) and slippers, and jumped onto the guerney. The woman who inserted my IV showed up right away but didn't have all her equipment. My nurse hadn't actually arrived yet and lo and behold, there was no computer station in my cubicle. So if you get to pre surgery early, they aren't ready for you. But things were gathered up and my nurse did arrive. She was very nice. Luz was her name. Did another survey of my health history. And each person who addressed me asked me who I was, what my Kaiser number was, what procedure I was there for and did I understand what it meant. After about 1/2 an hour or so Andy was led in. By this time I was listening to a station on the TV that had pretty nature pictures and soothing music. I thought I would listen to that for a while until I realized the music was on a short loop. It started to drive me crazy so we listened to CNN for a while. By this time I was hooked up to the IV with an antibiotic ready to go, cuffs on my legs again to massage them during the surgery and three EKG thingys on my chest and shoulder. Visited the ladies twice just to make sure I didn't have to stop in a porta potty during surgery (marathoner's joke, sorry). At about 9:10 Dr. Chang showed up, asked me what I thought he was going to do, marked the proper side with an X and told me I'd be going in about 20 minutes from then. The anesthesiologist had stopped by and told me I would have the standard sleep potions. Then a nurse anesthesiologist, Amber, came in and we went through the drill again but she was putting all this information into the computer. I told her that whatever had been done before worked perfectly. If she could find the record maybe they should just do that. She looked it up and said there was no reason to fix what wasn't broken and she would go with that. And she said the anesthesiologist was the same doctor as last time. That made me happy. She also said that I might be intubated (is that the correct term?) and therefore I might have a sore throat when I woke up. (which I remember I did have a little bit last time. I thought it was because my mouth was so dry) Or, she said there was another thing they could put in just in my mouth which pretty much served the same purpose. She would decide when I went to sleep. I really liked her. Andy said she reminded him of a friend of ours, same manner of speaking and a dry sense of humor. I thought about it for a moment and realized he was right.
At 9:25 the surgical nurse, Hazel, another nice lady, came in and wheeled me away to surgery. It seemed brighter but less metallic this time. I hopped onto the surgical table and there was Amber, another nurse, and Dr. Chang. They all rattled off important information about their preparation, sort of sounded like what I've heard from the cockpit of a plane. Hazel, Amber and I chatted very briefly and then Amber put the oxygen mask over my face. She said inhale deeply and I think I took two or three deep breaths and I was out. more to follow tomorrow.....
We left the house at 6:15 (just in case) and got to Antioch half an hour early. The gentleman at the registration desk was very nice. He did ask me a few more questions than last time. But I was able to answer them satisfactorily. More phone numbers, for whom I worked, did I have an advanced health directive and did I have a living will. Or trust. One or the other. Can't remember now.
Within minutes I was escorted into the pre surgery area. Got dressed in my lovely gown, mop cap (to which I affixed my flower) and slippers, and jumped onto the guerney. The woman who inserted my IV showed up right away but didn't have all her equipment. My nurse hadn't actually arrived yet and lo and behold, there was no computer station in my cubicle. So if you get to pre surgery early, they aren't ready for you. But things were gathered up and my nurse did arrive. She was very nice. Luz was her name. Did another survey of my health history. And each person who addressed me asked me who I was, what my Kaiser number was, what procedure I was there for and did I understand what it meant. After about 1/2 an hour or so Andy was led in. By this time I was listening to a station on the TV that had pretty nature pictures and soothing music. I thought I would listen to that for a while until I realized the music was on a short loop. It started to drive me crazy so we listened to CNN for a while. By this time I was hooked up to the IV with an antibiotic ready to go, cuffs on my legs again to massage them during the surgery and three EKG thingys on my chest and shoulder. Visited the ladies twice just to make sure I didn't have to stop in a porta potty during surgery (marathoner's joke, sorry). At about 9:10 Dr. Chang showed up, asked me what I thought he was going to do, marked the proper side with an X and told me I'd be going in about 20 minutes from then. The anesthesiologist had stopped by and told me I would have the standard sleep potions. Then a nurse anesthesiologist, Amber, came in and we went through the drill again but she was putting all this information into the computer. I told her that whatever had been done before worked perfectly. If she could find the record maybe they should just do that. She looked it up and said there was no reason to fix what wasn't broken and she would go with that. And she said the anesthesiologist was the same doctor as last time. That made me happy. She also said that I might be intubated (is that the correct term?) and therefore I might have a sore throat when I woke up. (which I remember I did have a little bit last time. I thought it was because my mouth was so dry) Or, she said there was another thing they could put in just in my mouth which pretty much served the same purpose. She would decide when I went to sleep. I really liked her. Andy said she reminded him of a friend of ours, same manner of speaking and a dry sense of humor. I thought about it for a moment and realized he was right.
At 9:25 the surgical nurse, Hazel, another nice lady, came in and wheeled me away to surgery. It seemed brighter but less metallic this time. I hopped onto the surgical table and there was Amber, another nurse, and Dr. Chang. They all rattled off important information about their preparation, sort of sounded like what I've heard from the cockpit of a plane. Hazel, Amber and I chatted very briefly and then Amber put the oxygen mask over my face. She said inhale deeply and I think I took two or three deep breaths and I was out. more to follow tomorrow.....
Monday, January 26, 2009
10th posting
I'm changing the header on this blog. The numbers really don't have any meaning, do they? So this is my 10th posting, hardly my 10th day!
Got the call from Kaiser Antioch just a few minutes ago. I am to report to presurgery at 7:15 a.m. This is good. Not too much time to stew about anything at that time in the morning and I certainly won't be starving. Come to think of it, I didn't even think about food last time and we started much later. Oh, well, like to find the positives where I can...
So I will report to the desk and be led to one of their high tech pre surgery cubicles where I will change into a spiffy hospital gown with three armholes. Yes, three. I didn't get it the first time I put one on but the nurse explained it to me as I was getting ready for the mammogram and it made sense. Now I can't remember why, but it did. I will put on one of those fashionable surgical mop caps and then affix my flower. (I do take it off before we go into surgery). And also my magical slippers. I do love those hospital slippers. They are so cozy and soft. Then I will wait while they hook me up to the ekg, insert the iv (hope it is the same nurse as last time. She found the vein on the first try and I felt just a slight pinch). I also get a clip on my finger to measure the amount of oxygen in my blood stream. It reminds me to breathe deeply. Then I will sit and wait until the anesthesiologist and the surgeon come in to make sure I know why I am there. Funny how they ask you all these questions. Who are you? What is your birthday? Do you know your Kaiser Number? What procedure are you having today. Do you understand what that means? I guess they don't want me to complain that I didn't know what the heck was going on and they do want to make sure they have the right patient for the right procedure. Maybe I'll say I'm there for an appendectomy and see what happens. No, that would be cruel. Better leave that alone.
Got the call from Kaiser Antioch just a few minutes ago. I am to report to presurgery at 7:15 a.m. This is good. Not too much time to stew about anything at that time in the morning and I certainly won't be starving. Come to think of it, I didn't even think about food last time and we started much later. Oh, well, like to find the positives where I can...
So I will report to the desk and be led to one of their high tech pre surgery cubicles where I will change into a spiffy hospital gown with three armholes. Yes, three. I didn't get it the first time I put one on but the nurse explained it to me as I was getting ready for the mammogram and it made sense. Now I can't remember why, but it did. I will put on one of those fashionable surgical mop caps and then affix my flower. (I do take it off before we go into surgery). And also my magical slippers. I do love those hospital slippers. They are so cozy and soft. Then I will wait while they hook me up to the ekg, insert the iv (hope it is the same nurse as last time. She found the vein on the first try and I felt just a slight pinch). I also get a clip on my finger to measure the amount of oxygen in my blood stream. It reminds me to breathe deeply. Then I will sit and wait until the anesthesiologist and the surgeon come in to make sure I know why I am there. Funny how they ask you all these questions. Who are you? What is your birthday? Do you know your Kaiser Number? What procedure are you having today. Do you understand what that means? I guess they don't want me to complain that I didn't know what the heck was going on and they do want to make sure they have the right patient for the right procedure. Maybe I'll say I'm there for an appendectomy and see what happens. No, that would be cruel. Better leave that alone.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Day 9
What a wonderful day this has been. Everyone is smiling. Everyone is happy. Jubilant even. Today was a day for the whole world to smile and say anything is possible. I went into a local falafel cafe for lunch. The guy behind the counter looked and sounded like he was probably middle eastern. He smiled at me. I was wearing my Obama shirt. Then he said, "I'm so happy, today". I smiled and said I was too. "It is so wonderful for us" he said. I agreed. Then he announced, "I'm half black, you know?" I smiled. I don't believe he would have confided that to me last week. And I wanted to answer, "well, Obama is half white and so am I!" but I decided to let him have his moment....
I asked my Breast Care Coordinator some questions last week and got the answers early this morning. When my surgery is over they will schedule me to see an oncologist who will follow me for the rest of my treatment. He/she will suggest the next step, probably radiation and/or chemo. I can choose treatment either at the John Muir Cancer Care Center in Concord or the East Bay Regional Cancer Center in Hayward. That should be a no brainer unless there is something I don't know. I know someone who was treated at JM when it was called Mt. Diablo about 17 years ago and she is still alive and kicking so I think that is what I will choose. But that won't start for 3 or 4 weeks after my surgery. Gives me time to recover and heal.
In the meantime, I am alternating between resting, walking and then overdoing it. I keep thinking I have more energy than I do have. My friend the nurse says that I am still getting over the anesthesia and surgery. I will believe her. So today surgery is just a week away unless something changes. I guess it isn't that long to wait.
That's all for now.
I asked my Breast Care Coordinator some questions last week and got the answers early this morning. When my surgery is over they will schedule me to see an oncologist who will follow me for the rest of my treatment. He/she will suggest the next step, probably radiation and/or chemo. I can choose treatment either at the John Muir Cancer Care Center in Concord or the East Bay Regional Cancer Center in Hayward. That should be a no brainer unless there is something I don't know. I know someone who was treated at JM when it was called Mt. Diablo about 17 years ago and she is still alive and kicking so I think that is what I will choose. But that won't start for 3 or 4 weeks after my surgery. Gives me time to recover and heal.
In the meantime, I am alternating between resting, walking and then overdoing it. I keep thinking I have more energy than I do have. My friend the nurse says that I am still getting over the anesthesia and surgery. I will believe her. So today surgery is just a week away unless something changes. I guess it isn't that long to wait.
That's all for now.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Day 8
I wish I had something to say about the forward march of my treatment but the truth is, right now nothing is happening. Still waiting for an OR appointment. I did offer my kitchen table to the surgeon but he hasn't gotten back to me on that....seemed reasonable to me.
I once again have to thank everyone who has contacted me in one way or another. I've gotten so many cards, so many calls. It is amazing to me how many people really seem to care. I am so lucky to have so many good friends. I am also wearing an angel pin from Cea, thank you dear, and a pink Avon breast cancer bow from....someone. It came to me through the district mail and the envelope disappeared so I can't track it. But to whomever sent it, thank you.
I haven't mentioned my wonderful family, have I? My husband, Andy, is doing all he can to help and it is very appreciated. Sonia and Becca, our two daughters, call and make me laugh. What more could I ask for? I am very lucky to have them....
Hold the presses. Just got the call. Not until January 28th. If there is a cancellation I might get in sooner. Hmmm, does that mean I'm wishing for someone to die and free up a surgery spot? I hope not. I hope someone spontaneously mends a hernia or goes into remission from something. Sigh. I was hoping it would be sooner. Now I have way too much time to think about this.
Well, maybe I'll just turn this into a book review column. I have read a couple of really good books lately.....okay, maybe I'll postpone that for a while.
Right now I hear the ladies of the Whitecliff Court Cafe beckoning me to join them in a ladylike glass of wine. Perhaps I will join them.
I once again have to thank everyone who has contacted me in one way or another. I've gotten so many cards, so many calls. It is amazing to me how many people really seem to care. I am so lucky to have so many good friends. I am also wearing an angel pin from Cea, thank you dear, and a pink Avon breast cancer bow from....someone. It came to me through the district mail and the envelope disappeared so I can't track it. But to whomever sent it, thank you.
I haven't mentioned my wonderful family, have I? My husband, Andy, is doing all he can to help and it is very appreciated. Sonia and Becca, our two daughters, call and make me laugh. What more could I ask for? I am very lucky to have them....
Hold the presses. Just got the call. Not until January 28th. If there is a cancellation I might get in sooner. Hmmm, does that mean I'm wishing for someone to die and free up a surgery spot? I hope not. I hope someone spontaneously mends a hernia or goes into remission from something. Sigh. I was hoping it would be sooner. Now I have way too much time to think about this.
Well, maybe I'll just turn this into a book review column. I have read a couple of really good books lately.....okay, maybe I'll postpone that for a while.
Right now I hear the ladies of the Whitecliff Court Cafe beckoning me to join them in a ladylike glass of wine. Perhaps I will join them.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Day 7
Well, what are the odds? I wonder....I like to think it was just G-d's flip of the coin and I got tails. Dr. Chang said the lumpectomy was clean and that the breast is free of cancer but there was evidence of spread to the lymph glands. So, he has to go back in and clear it out some more and insert a drain. Sounds kind of like Roto Rooter. He appeared to be so disappointed. Especially after he saw how nicely my incisions were healing. So, it is back to the drawing boards or actually back into surgery for me. I'm just waiting now for his nurse to tell me when and where. It seems like I already did this. Oh, yeah, I did. Little more than a week ago. Sigh. With all that being said, I must say I really like my surgeon and the rest of the team that has worked on/with me and I have every confidence that this will be licked.
Times have changed since I was in elementary school. Two things I remember my parents saying:
1. Once you have a heart attack you get 10 more years of life if you are lucky.
2. If you are really lucky, once you have been diagnosed with breast cancer you get 5 years.
So much has changed since 1957....
Times have changed since I was in elementary school. Two things I remember my parents saying:
1. Once you have a heart attack you get 10 more years of life if you are lucky.
2. If you are really lucky, once you have been diagnosed with breast cancer you get 5 years.
So much has changed since 1957....
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Day 6
I just been vegging out these last couple of days. Took some walks. Read some books. Went to a goodbye party at Stanfords for my library friend, Betsy, who is leaving WCSD for the bigger, wider library world of Diablo Valley College. We are going to miss her.
Right now our house is filled with 8 gorgeous fragrant bouquets of flowers. We are really swimming in blossoms. Thank you everyone who has sent these thoughtful gifts. The Wittwers, Anne, the library ladies, WCI, the Lippsetts, the Persses, Sonia, Allen, Lois and Marcia and I'm forgetting someone but it will come to me. Oh, Jane, of course! Thank you all.
I haven't cooked in days. Someone is at the door every other day or so delivering delicious food that usually lasts for two or three meals. Vegetarian chili, a vegetarian Indonesian rice dish, curried eggplant, salads, breads and cookies and cakes! Yikes! I am going to have to do a lot of extra walking to make sure I don't end up gaining weight. Again, thank you all. Jane, the Wittwers, the Hurds and Leah. You are all wonderful. And also a big thank you to Liz for shopping for us on Wednesday before she took off for her half marathon in Florida!
Now, a little plug for a good cause. My friend Stacy sent me this link today and I want to encourage everyone to help. It costs nothing but about a half a minute of your time. And if you can do it once a day, that would be great. The link is to The Breast Cancer Site and all you do is click on their click spot and you help women who can't afford to pay for mammograms, get one. Just click. You don't have to pay a dime. Click it once a day and save someone's life.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=2
Right now our house is filled with 8 gorgeous fragrant bouquets of flowers. We are really swimming in blossoms. Thank you everyone who has sent these thoughtful gifts. The Wittwers, Anne, the library ladies, WCI, the Lippsetts, the Persses, Sonia, Allen, Lois and Marcia and I'm forgetting someone but it will come to me. Oh, Jane, of course! Thank you all.
I haven't cooked in days. Someone is at the door every other day or so delivering delicious food that usually lasts for two or three meals. Vegetarian chili, a vegetarian Indonesian rice dish, curried eggplant, salads, breads and cookies and cakes! Yikes! I am going to have to do a lot of extra walking to make sure I don't end up gaining weight. Again, thank you all. Jane, the Wittwers, the Hurds and Leah. You are all wonderful. And also a big thank you to Liz for shopping for us on Wednesday before she took off for her half marathon in Florida!
Now, a little plug for a good cause. My friend Stacy sent me this link today and I want to encourage everyone to help. It costs nothing but about a half a minute of your time. And if you can do it once a day, that would be great. The link is to The Breast Cancer Site and all you do is click on their click spot and you help women who can't afford to pay for mammograms, get one. Just click. You don't have to pay a dime. Click it once a day and save someone's life.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=2
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Day 5
Funny how what you think is going to be the most challenging thing turns out to be a breeze and what you didn't give a second thought about can be a bit off putting. But I am getting ahead of myself.
We took off for Kaiser Antioch yesterday morning about 7:30 a.m. Well fortified with heart pillow from the Order of the Eastern Star and my CD of guided imagery and my cute little nano ipod. Arrived ahead of schedule and checked in with a very friendly receptionist. Waited a few minutes in the waiting room and then I was led into the pre-op area. I've been in places like this before with Andy and Becca so it didn't look at all foreign to me. Got into one of those silly open-up-in-the-back gowns and waited for them to take me to mammography where I was to have the wire inserted so surgeon would know where to go. Got a ride in a wheel chair pushed by a nice young lady named Olga. She picked Andy up on the way to mammography and we made a nice little procession down to the first floor. Andy gets dropped off at the waiting room there and I am whisked into the mammo room. Dr. Preston and her able assistant explain that they will do the mammo with me sitting in the wheel chair and with them sitting on the floor. After numerous attempts to get a good image and me getting squashed like a used beer can over and over again they decide that this isn't going to work. They try it with me standing, better, but still no good image. So off we go, across the hall to ultrasound. It takes them about 30 seconds to locate the tumor and another 20 minutes to prep and insert the wire. One more mammogram (sigh!) and then back to pre-op. I hadn't given the mammo appointment much thought but it turned out to be the most uncomfortable part of the whole day! I wait again for maybe 10 or 20 minutes with Andy by my side. The surgeon comes in checks to make sure we both know what he is doing. X marks the spot (there are now enough diagrams scrawled on my breast to guide a football team to a successful touchdown). My nurse gives me a pepcid tablet and a tablespoon of water to wash it down with. I guess she thinks we are going to party over in the operating theatre. 20 minutes later I am wheeled into the operating room. As I am wheeled in I think about the cheering angels and friends that the guided imagery CD said were there and sure enough I feel their presence. I'm not worried at all. Just curious. The room is bright, metallic and cold. But the people in the room pile me high with warmed sheets. They wrap my midsection with something I think they called a bear hug. To keep me warm, I guess. They also put two long cuffs on each leg so I get a gentle massage as the surgery proceeds. Between the two leg cuffs and the blood pressure cuff and the bear hug I really feel like I'm lying on Jen Hurd's massage table getting an after marathon massage treatment. The anesthesiologist comes in, puts a mask half way on my face and then says "I'm going to inject you with something that will sting for a few moments and then you will go to sleep". I'm pretty sure I said okay or something like that but I remember nothing after that.
Until I am aware that someone nearby is talking about going to Greece. Hmmm, I think. Me too, I'm going to Greece in the summer. And then I kind of realize that I am waking up from surgery and I feel pretty good. No nausea, no pain, nothing negative. So I volunteer to the person who is speaking that I love Greece. And we chat a little. He is about to have surgery I guess. Then the nurse comes over to ask how I am feeling. Terrific, I think I said. Anyway. I am so not incapacitated that they decide to release me rather quickly. Andy has gotten me some prescription pills for pain but I think I won't use them. I am released. We drive home. I have something to eat and decide that if it does get painful I'll be sad so I take a vicadan but only as a preventative measure. 9 o'clock rolls around and we decide to call it a day. I take one more pill and go to sleep. Wake up a couple of times during the night. Still not in pain. Maybe a little sore but no pain. And that is that. We will now wait for the results of the lumpectomy and the biopsy of the sentinol node and see what happens next. I'm told to take a week or two off. When I got home I thought that might be excessive but today I am definitely weary and sore. So maybe a week or two isn't a bad idea.
Stay tuned.
We took off for Kaiser Antioch yesterday morning about 7:30 a.m. Well fortified with heart pillow from the Order of the Eastern Star and my CD of guided imagery and my cute little nano ipod. Arrived ahead of schedule and checked in with a very friendly receptionist. Waited a few minutes in the waiting room and then I was led into the pre-op area. I've been in places like this before with Andy and Becca so it didn't look at all foreign to me. Got into one of those silly open-up-in-the-back gowns and waited for them to take me to mammography where I was to have the wire inserted so surgeon would know where to go. Got a ride in a wheel chair pushed by a nice young lady named Olga. She picked Andy up on the way to mammography and we made a nice little procession down to the first floor. Andy gets dropped off at the waiting room there and I am whisked into the mammo room. Dr. Preston and her able assistant explain that they will do the mammo with me sitting in the wheel chair and with them sitting on the floor. After numerous attempts to get a good image and me getting squashed like a used beer can over and over again they decide that this isn't going to work. They try it with me standing, better, but still no good image. So off we go, across the hall to ultrasound. It takes them about 30 seconds to locate the tumor and another 20 minutes to prep and insert the wire. One more mammogram (sigh!) and then back to pre-op. I hadn't given the mammo appointment much thought but it turned out to be the most uncomfortable part of the whole day! I wait again for maybe 10 or 20 minutes with Andy by my side. The surgeon comes in checks to make sure we both know what he is doing. X marks the spot (there are now enough diagrams scrawled on my breast to guide a football team to a successful touchdown). My nurse gives me a pepcid tablet and a tablespoon of water to wash it down with. I guess she thinks we are going to party over in the operating theatre. 20 minutes later I am wheeled into the operating room. As I am wheeled in I think about the cheering angels and friends that the guided imagery CD said were there and sure enough I feel their presence. I'm not worried at all. Just curious. The room is bright, metallic and cold. But the people in the room pile me high with warmed sheets. They wrap my midsection with something I think they called a bear hug. To keep me warm, I guess. They also put two long cuffs on each leg so I get a gentle massage as the surgery proceeds. Between the two leg cuffs and the blood pressure cuff and the bear hug I really feel like I'm lying on Jen Hurd's massage table getting an after marathon massage treatment. The anesthesiologist comes in, puts a mask half way on my face and then says "I'm going to inject you with something that will sting for a few moments and then you will go to sleep". I'm pretty sure I said okay or something like that but I remember nothing after that.
Until I am aware that someone nearby is talking about going to Greece. Hmmm, I think. Me too, I'm going to Greece in the summer. And then I kind of realize that I am waking up from surgery and I feel pretty good. No nausea, no pain, nothing negative. So I volunteer to the person who is speaking that I love Greece. And we chat a little. He is about to have surgery I guess. Then the nurse comes over to ask how I am feeling. Terrific, I think I said. Anyway. I am so not incapacitated that they decide to release me rather quickly. Andy has gotten me some prescription pills for pain but I think I won't use them. I am released. We drive home. I have something to eat and decide that if it does get painful I'll be sad so I take a vicadan but only as a preventative measure. 9 o'clock rolls around and we decide to call it a day. I take one more pill and go to sleep. Wake up a couple of times during the night. Still not in pain. Maybe a little sore but no pain. And that is that. We will now wait for the results of the lumpectomy and the biopsy of the sentinol node and see what happens next. I'm told to take a week or two off. When I got home I thought that might be excessive but today I am definitely weary and sore. So maybe a week or two isn't a bad idea.
Stay tuned.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Day 4
Today was S day. Surgery day. And was it fun. Well, perhaps that is a bit of an exaggeration but truly, as surgeries go, it was not bad. Pleasant really. That is all I want to say right now because even though I am not in pain and I feel fine, I am weary. I just want you all to know that things went very well and when I am a little more awake, I will fill in all the details. More than you ever wanted to know. Or maybe not. But stay tuned. I might be able to do this later tonight or tomorrow morning. Thank you all for your kind thoughts and words. I saw you all there just before I closed my eyes for surgery. One huge cheering section. It was wonderful. More later.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Day 3
Numbering these days isn't really an accurate timeline. It just means my third posting.
In looking over my blog I see that I haven't really told the whole story and there is nothing less satisfying than a story only half told. I will begin at the beginning and stop when this whole adventure is behind me.
I shall begin with the potential of embarrassing myself but this is absolutely for educational purposes. I have a Pap smear and mammogram every year. This is something I do religiously because I believe an ounce of caution is worth of pound of cure. More cliche, sorry but I did reword it and it works for me. Anyway, this year I wanted to get this all done during my days off so I scheduled the pap smear for a Monday (November 10) at Kaiser Shadelands and the mammogram for Tuesday (November 11) at Kaiser Walnut Creek Main. As I was waiting for my first appointment I looked over the receipt I got from the receptionist. Kaiser always lists which tests are due and what immunizations are needed. I saw that it said I didn't need a mammogram for another 1/2 year or so (it said 18 to 24 months). Hmmmm, I thought, I should probably cancel that appointment. But when I went in for the Pap smear I asked the nurse practitioner about it and she said, oh what the heck, go ahead and have it done. So I didn't cancel. When I think about it now, I get a little scared thinking how long I might have waited and not known...Oy! (Let this be a lesson, my children, and don't ever think you can put off a mammogram!)
About a week later I got a postcard from Radiology saying that the mammogram was inconclusive and that they would call me for an ultrasound appointment. I got the call a couple days later at work. I missed the call actually and was frantically trying to reach the person who called me as I tried to be discreet in my office but tried to work the circulation desk at the same time. I ended up teaching a student how to check out his own book as I stretched my phone cord around the door so I could see what he was doing. He did just fine. The appointment was just a day or two away which was a bit of a relief. And still optimistic I went in knowing full well that this little something was, in fact, nothing to worry about. However, once again they weren't sure what it was they were looking at. They did another mammogram just for the heck of it. And decided a biopsy was in order. When they called I told them I was off to Honolulu within the week. Hmmm, because of not being able to schedule me until the day I got back and not being able to use pain relievers a week or so before a biopsy (don't want thinned blood during a biopsy) they had to push the biopsy off until the day after my birthday. Happy Birthday Mardie. Not that I was getting nervous at this point but I felt that having the big 60 overshadowed by an imminent biopsy would kind of dampen the festivities. We celebrated the Saturday before my birthday and the biopsy. Bings is my favorite birthday dinner place and that is where we celebrated. I got a Rolex! Hmmm, another metaphor I don't want to think about. But it is very pretty and I can read the dial so I am quite happy with it. Anyway, biopsy day comes and they are really quite sweet and gentle and we had fun if you can say that about a biopsy. I was pleased to discover that Kaiser is on the cutting edge of breast biopsies. There was a news report the other day about how doctors are still doing breast biopsies the old fashioned way with what amounts to surgery but the newest procedure can be done quite simply using a table that is on a lift with a hole in it. The doctor positions herself under the hole where the breast drops through. Gravity makes it easier for them to find what they are looking for. And that was the procedure I had. Thank you Kaiser... They took some tissue samples and gave me hugs and told me to take it easy. I probably wouldn't hear from them until next week. Because of Christmas being two days away and people having days off. So when I got the call from Dr. Fong on Friday I was almost not surprised when she said it was cancer. She prefaced the announcement with asking me about my holidays and other stuff that she probably didn't really care about because she didn't want to give me the bad news. But it is really reassuring that they don't let things sit around. I got a call the following Monday and had appointments with the Breast Care coordinator and the surgeon the same day. And then a call from the surgury appointments people on Wednesday making appointments for surgery the following Tuesday and an appointment with nuclear medicine to prep me for surgery the day preceding my surgery. Which is, by the by, is an outpatient procedure.
Now, I sit and wait for two more calls. Today I will get a call telling me the precise time my surgery will be in Antioch and a call from the anesthesiologist so we can decide how much I need to be knocked out. And so, I wait. And do the laundry. Because, life does go on, doesn't it?
P.S. I am leaving out a huge part of this story and that is the incredible amount of hugs and love and support I am getting from my friends and family. You are all wonderful and I appreciate everything you are doing or have offered to do for me. I'll probably write more about you later. But right now know that you are really, really appreciated. Big hugs to you all.
In looking over my blog I see that I haven't really told the whole story and there is nothing less satisfying than a story only half told. I will begin at the beginning and stop when this whole adventure is behind me.
I shall begin with the potential of embarrassing myself but this is absolutely for educational purposes. I have a Pap smear and mammogram every year. This is something I do religiously because I believe an ounce of caution is worth of pound of cure. More cliche, sorry but I did reword it and it works for me. Anyway, this year I wanted to get this all done during my days off so I scheduled the pap smear for a Monday (November 10) at Kaiser Shadelands and the mammogram for Tuesday (November 11) at Kaiser Walnut Creek Main. As I was waiting for my first appointment I looked over the receipt I got from the receptionist. Kaiser always lists which tests are due and what immunizations are needed. I saw that it said I didn't need a mammogram for another 1/2 year or so (it said 18 to 24 months). Hmmmm, I thought, I should probably cancel that appointment. But when I went in for the Pap smear I asked the nurse practitioner about it and she said, oh what the heck, go ahead and have it done. So I didn't cancel. When I think about it now, I get a little scared thinking how long I might have waited and not known...Oy! (Let this be a lesson, my children, and don't ever think you can put off a mammogram!)
About a week later I got a postcard from Radiology saying that the mammogram was inconclusive and that they would call me for an ultrasound appointment. I got the call a couple days later at work. I missed the call actually and was frantically trying to reach the person who called me as I tried to be discreet in my office but tried to work the circulation desk at the same time. I ended up teaching a student how to check out his own book as I stretched my phone cord around the door so I could see what he was doing. He did just fine. The appointment was just a day or two away which was a bit of a relief. And still optimistic I went in knowing full well that this little something was, in fact, nothing to worry about. However, once again they weren't sure what it was they were looking at. They did another mammogram just for the heck of it. And decided a biopsy was in order. When they called I told them I was off to Honolulu within the week. Hmmm, because of not being able to schedule me until the day I got back and not being able to use pain relievers a week or so before a biopsy (don't want thinned blood during a biopsy) they had to push the biopsy off until the day after my birthday. Happy Birthday Mardie. Not that I was getting nervous at this point but I felt that having the big 60 overshadowed by an imminent biopsy would kind of dampen the festivities. We celebrated the Saturday before my birthday and the biopsy. Bings is my favorite birthday dinner place and that is where we celebrated. I got a Rolex! Hmmm, another metaphor I don't want to think about. But it is very pretty and I can read the dial so I am quite happy with it. Anyway, biopsy day comes and they are really quite sweet and gentle and we had fun if you can say that about a biopsy. I was pleased to discover that Kaiser is on the cutting edge of breast biopsies. There was a news report the other day about how doctors are still doing breast biopsies the old fashioned way with what amounts to surgery but the newest procedure can be done quite simply using a table that is on a lift with a hole in it. The doctor positions herself under the hole where the breast drops through. Gravity makes it easier for them to find what they are looking for. And that was the procedure I had. Thank you Kaiser... They took some tissue samples and gave me hugs and told me to take it easy. I probably wouldn't hear from them until next week. Because of Christmas being two days away and people having days off. So when I got the call from Dr. Fong on Friday I was almost not surprised when she said it was cancer. She prefaced the announcement with asking me about my holidays and other stuff that she probably didn't really care about because she didn't want to give me the bad news. But it is really reassuring that they don't let things sit around. I got a call the following Monday and had appointments with the Breast Care coordinator and the surgeon the same day. And then a call from the surgury appointments people on Wednesday making appointments for surgery the following Tuesday and an appointment with nuclear medicine to prep me for surgery the day preceding my surgery. Which is, by the by, is an outpatient procedure.
Now, I sit and wait for two more calls. Today I will get a call telling me the precise time my surgery will be in Antioch and a call from the anesthesiologist so we can decide how much I need to be knocked out. And so, I wait. And do the laundry. Because, life does go on, doesn't it?
P.S. I am leaving out a huge part of this story and that is the incredible amount of hugs and love and support I am getting from my friends and family. You are all wonderful and I appreciate everything you are doing or have offered to do for me. I'll probably write more about you later. But right now know that you are really, really appreciated. Big hugs to you all.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Day 2
Well, today I just vegged out. Read a little from the materials the Breast Care Coordinator gave us. Made sure I understood what the lumpectomy is all about. Learned more about Sentinel nodes and radiation therapy. All very interesting. I listened to the guided imagery CD yesterday. It was very hypnotic. No wonder it has a warning on it just the like drugs do, "do not listen to this and operate machinery at the same time". I will definitely continue to listen to this CD. It is supposed to help with healing and pain management. I'm game. Monday I go in to nuclear medicine for a dye injection so they can locate the sentinel node during the lumpectomy on Tuesday. I am also expecting a call from the anesthesiologist on Monday and we will discuss the type of anesthetic I will be using. I think I would prefer a local if I can listen to music on my ipod but if I have to be distracted by operation room chatter I guess I will go for a general. Unless I don't. They don't have me scheduled for a precise time yet. They won't know until Monday so I am not planning on going to work. I will be too distracted with the phone calls I will be waiting for. And thus ends another day.
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