Okay, buckaroos, I have had my appointments and am ready to both inform you and help myself sort it all out. Thursday was my visit to the surgeon. I think it was my last visit. He was very nice and started smiling as I cracked joke after joke. I guess he thinks I am hopeless. He probably thinks I just don’t get it. No matter. I do. And that is why I will keep being silly. So, he removed the drain and told me that there were of the 20 nodes removed three more nodes involved. Okay, I’m thinking. Three out of 20 isn’t bad. I can handle this. Piece of cake. He also told me that he was referring me to the oncologist. He goes to his computer and tells me I can see a very good oncologist at Walnut Creek on February 6th. Okay, I’m thinking. That can’t be too far off since we are in the beginning of February. It wasn’t until I got into the parking lot that I realized it would be the next day. Andy starts fretting because he postponed an appointment to Friday from Thursday so he could come with me to the surgical follow-up appointment and now he will have to cancel it. But sister Kathy graciously agrees to stay another day to accompany me to my appointment. Friday we go early to Kaiser because I’m not sure where it is we are supposed to be. I guess Oncology and lo and behold, I’m right. Everyone at Kaiser is so darn nice. The receptionist is just so sweet and calm and reassuring. Makes these visits really pleasant. Really. I am weighed and measured (they won’t let me take my clothes off to lose another 5 pounds) and then the blood pressure. And it is good! I’m feeling pretty confident, like I’m about to go on a job interview. I am shown into an exam room and once again don the paper front opening blouse. Love those things. They make you feel so stylish, so attractive…The oncologist comes in, Dr. Liu and I like her at once. Very friendly, very reassuring. She says even though the tumor itself was small, they consider my cancer aggressive because it was 6 nodes out of 23 infected by cancer. Silly me. Here I’m thinking it is three the first time and just three the second time. But those darn doctors add the two events together and call it 6. Who would have thunk? And I am positive for certain hormone receptors which means the cancer feeds on hormones (if I'm understanding this correctly) but fortunately they can treat it. I’m going from a stage 1 cancer to a stage 3 cancer in the matter of a blink of an eye. Heck! But good news. She keeps marveling at how healthy I am. And I boast about running marathons but I am modest enough not to say how many I have run. Recently. Because of my good health and because I’m not overweight (yayyy weightwatchers) she wants to propose that I try getting into a clinical trial for a chemo drug that they are testing which would, if successful, not only get rid of the cancer but have fewer side effects. And man, these chemo drugs have the possibility of every side effect under the sun. Starting with death and moving through leukemia to heart problems to hair loss, to nausea, to diarrhea, to constipation to rashes and so on and so forth ad nauseum. You don’t necessarily get these side effects, maybe some, maybe none. But the possibility is there.
Well, I’m a big advocate of science. I’m all for it. When I was little you simply died from breast cancer. But not anymore. So if I can help the medical world which is helping me, to help others, I’m on it!
Did I mention that I was in a clinical trial for polio shots when I was 5 years old? My dad was a health educator for the Los Angeles County Health Department. Whenever they needed guinea pigs he volunteered himself or one of his kids. In 1953 or 1954 the polio vaccine people were just about to release the vaccine but they needed to make one more study. They needed 5 year olds who hadn’t attended public school yet to give blood to study (maybe for antibodies to polio, I’m not sure why) and in exchange for giving blood for the study they would give these children the polio vaccine that hadn’t been approved for the public yet. The first needle they used on me broke. The second needle was too large. The third needle was okay so they got the blood. The last needle was for the vaccine. And strangely, I didn’t cry. My daddy was so proud of me. And happily, I didn’t get the live vaccine shots that caused many of these volunteers to come down with polio later on in their lives. I was really lucky!
So I'm going to apply to be in a clinical trial. They want me but all my tests have to come out right. Whether or not I am accepted for the trials I will have chemo for a number of months, radiation and then hormone therapy. The doctor said it treatment will take about a year. It's going to be a long haul but the doctor kept commenting on how healthy I am so I am sure it will all come out okay. I'm exhausted already and nothing has happened! But next week it will be, 1) cancer class, 2) CT scan, 3) bone scan and the following week on Friday, 4) heart scan . . I hope they can find my heart....! And lots of blood tests, of course. It is all very exciting.
The bummer is, she says I can't go on any cruises. Which means once again I won’t be able to go to Israel. Last time we made reservations for a trip to Israel, about two years ago, Andy had a stroke. Now I have cancer. I am beginning to think that I’m never going to set foot in Israel. I told Andy that I think my name is really Moses. And if you don’t get it, ask your rabbi. Or the minister or priest of your choice.
So I expect to be going on an ultra fabulous cruise next year to make up for this "inconvenience".
Anyway, I’m still waiting for it all to hit me except that I am not feeling emotionally numb to it. I’m not in denial, at least I don’t think I am. I am still feeling curious about all this. It is a land I have never been to and not everyone visits. But I’m going there. And it is dangerous and for some people scary but I will make it. I know I will.