I went for my four mile walk this morning. Just Liz, Allen and me. It was a perfect day for a leisurely walk. We had to divert our course once we got close to the creek, (the city of Walnut Creek does have a creek named Walnut Creek) because of the multitudes of white flies that were swarming along the trail. So we did a loop around Broadway Plaza instead of going to the bridge at Ygnacio Road. The sky was clear and blue, it hadn't gotten too hot yet and the conversation had us in stitches. We may not be fast, but between the three of us we know how to make each other laugh.

After our walk I came home. I may have the energy to walk 4+ miles but each week I seem to run out of steam a little earlier than the prior week. I took a shower and got ready for shul. That was when I realized I wasn't going to walk there. I just didn't have it in me. And then I wasn't even sure I had it in me to drive. So I checked my email instead. Liz wanted a training schedule for Honolulu. I have been thinking about it and it was time to put it together. Which got me to thinking. In December I'll still be in chemo though just one drug instead of three. My radiation will have been over with for a couple of months. Can I get back into training and run or at least walk the marathon this year? I really, really want to do it but I also don't want to be stupid. I guess what will happen is that I will play it by ear, just see how I feel as the summer progresses and see if I can jump in in September and do the training over a shortened period of time. If I feel like it. That is pretty much what I did last summer and it worked quite well. I may surprise myself. And that, I realize, is what is bugging me. I am not going to try to prove anything to anyone. I won't be running for anyone except myself. If I can do it, I will, if I can't, I won't. And I won't apologize to anyone or myself if it works out that I can't run. I will just accept it and get on with my recovery and do the run next year. Simple thoughts, simple words. Now I will accept that and move on. If that happens I will enjoy being "coach" to anyone who does train. That is part of the training that I always wondered about. How could our coaches and program reps show up every week and watch us run and not feel cheated when the marathon came and they didn't run too? I could never really understand that. They always acted like they enjoyed being on the sidelines, cheering us on, giving us pretzels and water, making us feel like we were so special. If I end up with that job, will I feel cheated? I hope not. I hope I can do the coach thing gracefully and graciously.

The latest pictures are up. The top one is from a Relay for Life event in Tucson. Justine's son, Pat, participated and my name was on one of the luminarias. Thank you for doing this, Pat!
The second picture is the new Logo for Mardie's Walnut Creek Marathon. We are still working on setting a date but don't you just love the new logo, designed by Morgan Dodge.

Yesterday, I decided to walk to shul. I had already gone for a lovely 4.5 mile walk with my friend Iris. We had such a great time and such good conversation. I've been walking/running with Iris since 2001. We both started running when we signed on with the AIDS Marathon and we haven't stopped since! Anyway, after I walked with Iris I came home and showered, read the paper and then got ready to go to shul. Since I had already gone for my walk I figured I would drive. Then I decided maybe I would take a look outside to see if any one of my neighbors was about to drive off and maybe hitch a ride with them. I didn't see anything promising but I decided to see what would happen. This became a game in my mind. I would walk and if I was offered a ride I could accept but if no offer was made, I couldn't beg. So off I started. I decided to carry my phone just in case I didn't find a ride and ran out of steam. It is a good 3 miles to my synagogue and since I had already had a better than four mile walk, I wasn't sure I could do the extra miles. But I knew I could find someone to take me if I needed it. So off I went. I stopped to talk to a neighbor about homeowner's association problems. He also is a marathoner and did the Honolulu last year. But no offer was made. The way I was dressed he thought I was off on a casual walk around the neighborhood. Then I continued on my way. About a half mile from my home a car stopped and a library friend called out to me. She asked if I was walking to shul so she didn't offer a ride (we're supposed to walk to shul, not drive) which was kind of her. And the rule of the game is that someone has to offer a ride and not know that you would take a ride if offered but you wouldn't ask for a ride (unless you were entirely pooped).

Half way down Rudgear I started my thinking. I realized that I do my best thinking when I am on a good long run (or walk) by myself. I guess that is when the endorphins and other things kick in and the dust and rust fall out of the cogwheels of the brain. I remember thinking about how stale and uninteresting my blog has been lately. I haven't been out on the trails running and or walking so I haven't been thinking. Okay, sometimes interesting things happen that are worth writing about that don't involve running, but lately that hasn't been the case. By now I had just about reached the Broadway extension. And I was feeling pretty good. I was thinking how grateful I was that I had decided to wear just a sweater and had left the coat behind. Crossing Rudgear I noticed a woman ahead of me, power walking along the trail. I was conscious of the fact that I had started out rather slowly because I was so afraid I was going to run out of energy. But watching her made me think about when I might try to start running again. Then I thought to myself,

"Self", I said, " you no longer feel like there are loose rocks where you had the lumpectomy, do you?"

" No, "I answered, "I can't say that it feels like that anymore".

"Okay," I said to myself, "So, what if you were to just run for one minute right now and see how it felt. No one is watching you and if it doesn't feel right, then you can stop"

"Hmmmm, " I think. "But I'm wearing my SAS walking shoes and a long skirt. "Yes. "I reply" "But you have actually done that before. And those SAS shoes have a running shoe sole, remember? And last year, just about this time you tried running for the first time in months and it was right here, on this trail, in this skirt. Give it a go! See how it feels."

So to make a long story short I ran. For a minute. Then walked for a minute, then ran for a minute and I kept on doing it all the way to shul which is at least a good mile and a quarter. And so, dear friends, I think that this go around with the chemo has been pretty successful.

I must credit the Neupogen for keeping me strong this time. But, as Andy just pointed out to me yesterday, the price is not cheap. Those seven injections, if I hadn't belonged to Kaiser, could have cost me $1570! Kaiser always shows you what you would have paid if you didn't have the coverage you have. We pay $20 for brand name prescriptions, $10 for generic. And as a friend at shul pointed out, that really is cheap for such a miracle/wonder drug. Still, I am grateful I have Kaiser and that I can get my drugs so cheaply and easily. And I am glad I don't have to choose between paying my grocery bill and getting the prescriptions I need!

Day 1

So, begins the journey. Day One of "The Adventure". I was diagnosed with breast cancer on December 26, 2008. Oh, it was a bit of a shock but I've decided to roll with the punches, go with the flow, and all the other great cliches that I can't come up with right now. I run marathons and we know that while the physical training is very important in order to successfully finish a marathon, there is that mental component of preparing for and running in a marathon that is at least as important. And I'm feeling the same way about this challenge right now. I'm going to do all the right things to get rid of this alien creature in my body but my positive attitude is at least as important. No negative thoughts. None. So, this is a new marathon-like adventure for me. I'm gonna finish and I'm going to do it in the best time I've ever done. It will be my Personal Best. Not sure that metaphor works but I'll go with it. This will be my journal of The Adventure.